Replacing “Hurry” with “Inner Calm & Ease”

Replacing “Hurry” with “Inner Calm & Ease”

by | Apr 26, 2023 | Avoiding Stress, Health & Wellbeing, Self-Care

I’ve been intentionally offering myself more kindness and listening for my Inner Guidance more. One of the things that happens when I do that is I become aware of habits and patterns that don’t serve me well.

It’s like the Universe says, “Hey, sweetheart… here’s a habit of yours. Do you want to keep it around?”

Here’s one I found that I’m willing to release/transform: I have lived much of my adult life in a consistent state of low-grade hurry – even when I don’t need to be going quickly. Whoa…

I like to be on time when I show up anywhere. Actually, I like to be earlier than “on time.” But it’s been a habit for me to leave for my next thing and/or prepare for my next thing with just the right amount of time to be barely on time.

The problem is that inside my body “barely on time” feels like “almost late” to me. So, while I’m rarely actually late, I still feel hurried/rushed much of the time when I’m going from one thing to another. 

My new experiment, then, is to calculate what time I would normally leave (you know, to be barely on time 😊)… and then add 10 minutes to that. 
BIG happy difference! I highly recommend it.

Here’s more pieces I noticed. 

I took a break in the middle of writing this to go get stuff for lunch, prepare it, and eat. Here’s was I found in that short space of time:

1. I “hurried” off to the store. I could feel it as I was getting ready to go – low-scale hurrying. Which was odd because I wasn’t late for anything!

2. In the kitchen I turned on the water as I was rinsing off a ladle. As I turned to do something else, I kept the water running. I felt myself “hurry” because I was “wasting water.” Uh…? I could have just shut off the water between rinsing.

3. I opened the fridge to get something out and just then Nik (my son) said, “Hey, mom?” I went around the corner to see what he wanted – feeling the need to “hurry” to get back to shut the door.  Oh my goodness… I could have just closed the refrigerator door while I talked to him and opened it again when we were done. Weird.

4. But this one is the weirdest! My computer had been unplugged for a while. As I was writing I kept noticing the battery symbol showing less and less charge. I could feel my insides be all tight like I better “hurry.” Ready for this? The cord was on the table right beside me! I could have just plugged it in the first time I noticed the low charge.

Now I know these are just little, dorky things but, wow… it shows my habit of being so often in “hurry mode” even when I don’t need to be. That’s the brain baseline that we’ve talked about!!

I am lovingly allowing myself to shift this baseline. If any of this resonates with you, here is your Self-Love Provocation. I will be doing it with you. 

Check in with your body several times a day – while driving, eating, working, talking, relaxing. How are your insides feeling? 

No matter what you find, put these beautiful steps into practice:

1. First, imagine you could fill your insides with a feeling of “Calm & Ease.” 
On an inhale… draw the feeling of “Calm & Ease” into your beautiful body.
On an exhale… imagine the feeling of “Calm & Ease” softening all around you.

Inhale… “Calm & Ease” in.
Exhale… “Calm & Ease” out around you.

Do three rounds.

2. Second, say softly several times: 
“I am willing to release all “hurry” and trust the process of life.”
“I am willing to release all “hurry” and trust the process of life.”
“I am willing to release all “hurry” and trust the process of life.”

You don’t have to try to make anything happen. Just do the two steps several times this week/month and see what happens. Here’s to the feeling of “hurry” giving way to inner “Calm & Ease.” Ahhh…..
How To Let Go So You Can Have What You Really Want

How To Let Go So You Can Have What You Really Want

by | Mar 28, 2023 | Positive Thinking, Self-Care, Self-Improvement

I remember the day I let go of my dream. I cried really hard. I had been feeling so drained – mentally, emotionally, physically, and even spiritually. I was exhausted from the whole long stressful divorce process, as well as from trying to be a single mom when time and finances were really tight.

But mostly, I felt tired to the core of my being from having something weighing on me – for decades – that I always said I wanted to do… but never did… and still kept prodding myself to do… and continually “angsted” about it because it was something I knew I “should” be doing… but just wouldn’t move forward with it… and so, felt continually disappointed with myself, and sad, and drained because of it all.

Yuk.

My “thing” was about going out on my own as an author and speaker. What’s yours? What’s a thing that weighs on you that you keep not doing?

In a state of me continuously prodding myself to “do it” but feeling tired, sad, and disappointed because I still wasn’t “doing it” – my mom, seeing my sadness and stress said, “Sweetheart, can you just let it go… and let your life already be enough?”

Damn, what a question! I felt a huge wave of sadness (and some fear), like I was about to lose a consistent companion. But I also felt an even bigger (and totally unexpected) wave of relief like, “Oh my god, could it really be okay to let all of the angsting about this go? Could I just let it go?”

I did let it go. It was amazing. And bizarre. The voice that for years had been saying, “Hurry, go get it done! Come on, you need to do it! You’re supposed to do more and be more!” didn’t have a job anymore. Within a short time, the prodding and self-criticism and the angsting about it stopped.

And I could breathe… I know now that it was my caterpillar-to-butterfly cocoon stage, and the Universe was able to do its magic while I was resting emotionally.

After a few years of that respite, my huge happy desire (to do my author/speaker work) came washing back through me! I’ve since been moving forward with more joy, clarity, intention, and empowerment than I ever have before. I own a small business, Programs That Uplift; I have one book completed; I’m working on my second; and I am writing, speaking, training, and coaching as my full-time work.

It was in my letting go that I was able to feel my heart’s desire about what I truly wanted. If it had not been in line with my soul’s highest good, the juicy impulse would not have come back in happy resonance with my heart. The same will be true for you!

What have you been putting off that has been weighing on you? Losing weight? Starting your business? Writing your book? Letting go of a relationship that’s not working? Submitting a poem? Creating a piece of art? Finding a more satisfying job? Starting your blog or YouTube channel? Taking the trip?

Here’s your provocation. I am asking you to let it go. Don’t freak out. Breathe. You have “permission” to let it go and literally stop worrying about it. You don’t ever have to pick it up again. But you can if and when you want to.

But wait… wait until you feel the gift of respite first. Wait until you can feel if it is truly what you want!

Let it go. Kindly… respectfully… perhaps with honor, or sadness, or even reverence. But let it go. And then breathe. Let it go completely for a day… or week… or month(s)… or years. Or let it go forever if it is not something you really want. I promise that if it is something beneficial and beautiful for you… you can’t harm or silence the impulse by letting it go. But you can rest the impulse so that it grows and becomes stronger, clearer, more focused, and more inspiring again.

Let yourself rest… until it is time. And when it is time – then soar. Go beyond what you have been doing. But do it while listening to the Universe as it will guide you, and do it while choosing to love yourself through the whole process.

If you’d like some more practice with loving yourself, please join me April 4th at 7pm EST for my online program “Self-Love as Spiritual Practice.” It’s free and open to anyone: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/self-love-as-spiritual-practice-tickets-494628094947

Go At A Pace That Makes You Feel Good

Go At A Pace That Makes You Feel Good

by | Feb 27, 2023 | Positive Thinking, Self-Care, Self-Improvement

More than thirty-five years ago when I first read Louise Hay’s book, You Can Heal Your Life, I remember the feeling that washed over me when I read her guidance, “wear clothes that make you feel good; eat foods that make you feel good; be around people who make you feel good; go at a pace that makes you feel good.”

Whoa… “Go at a pace that makes you feel good.” Isn’t that a beautiful idea? That’s your provocation for the month! Mine too.

At the end of December, I left my job to run my speaking, training, coaching business (Programs That Uplift) full-time 😊. Then, after the Universe had been giving Chris (my significant other), consistent but gentle nudges… then bigger and louder “pushes,” he left his job of 22 years (right before the company “did away with” the rest of the entire mental health case management arm of the company!).

We both feel really grateful for the gifts we received from our previous jobs, but even more so for the gift of our new paths! And both of us have been talking about how happy we are to be able set our own time for doing things. Ahhh… the gift of time affluence!

But…

Instead of feeling rich with time, we have both become wildly aware of our habit of “hurrying.” Even when we don’t need to!

So, we made a little pact to remind each other throughout the day that we’re allowed to relax and go at a pace that makes us feel good. And my big aha has been that whether we have a job, or a family, or business obligations, or any of the other zillion things we all have to do… it’s a myth to think, “When such and such is done (my job, raising my children, caring for aging parents, completing a business project, etc.) THEN I can go at a pace that makes me feel good.” 

It’s a myth because 1. We don’t have to wait until something is completed in order to CHOOSE to go at a pace that makes us feel good. And 2. Often even when we DO complete something or DO have extra time, we still don’t choose to go at a pace that makes us feel good. (Wouldn’t it be great if no one could relate to this?)

Want to shift that? What are you doing today? Decide right now – even just for the next few minutes – to go at a pace that makes you feel good. For me, that usually means to slow down and take a breath. How about for you?

Hurrying never makes me go faster anyway. It just tightens me up and causes me to make mistakes and fogs my thinking and makes my actions less graceful, less effective, less creative, and less satisfying. And mostly… hurrying takes me out of alignment with my powerful, loving, wise Universal/spiritual connection.

So, your self-love practice this month is to go at a pace that makes you feel good even if you’re sure you don’t have enough time to do that. I’ll be joining you. And little by little we can shift our habits into actions that are powerfully healing, loving, and kind to us. (That’s when we can more easily spread our good out into the world anyway. I love how the Universe works like that!)

If you’d like some more practice with being kind to you, join me March 7th at 7pm EST for my online program “Self-Love as Spiritual Practice.” It’s free and open to anyone: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/self-love-as-spiritual-practice-tickets-494627422937

Why Self-Love Isn’t Selfish & Why It’s Our Most Important Job

Why Self-Love Isn’t Selfish & Why It’s Our Most Important Job

by | Jan 17, 2023 | Health & Wellbeing, Positive Thinking, Self-Improvement

Have you ever felt big, fat, happy, juicy love for someone? Maybe your child, or your spouse, or an awesome furry four-legger. Have you ever been proud of and happy for them when something went well? How about compassionate or kind or strong for them when they were hurting? To hold other people in our hearts as precious and worthy and lovable, and to see them as inherently good (even when they mess up), is a gift that we often bestow on others. Feel the beauty and the positive power in that. Love heals. It assists people in reaching toward their highest potential.

We already know that. It’s why we cringe and feel sad or indignant or mad when we hear stories about parents or teachers or coaches telling someone we love that they’re worthless or unlovable or they’ll never be good enough… Yuk.

What if we turned some of that love and power and kindness back upon ourselves? What if we included ourselves in our circle of love and care? Self-love isn’t selfish. As a matter of fact, it’s the only thing that is powerful enough to help us reach toward living the highest version of ourselves. So, contrary to popular belief, here’s what’s actually selfish: hanging onto our brain’s negativity bias, and the role modeling we saw of others’ constant self-criticism, and the memory of old messages that said we’re not worthy or lovable or good enough. That’s the selfish – albeit unconscious – habit.

Here’s why it’s selfish to hang onto the habit of constant self-criticism and incessant “I’m not good enough” and “I’m not doing it right enough” self-talk. Because the extent to which we continue our habit of self-criticism over the choice to practice self-love, is the extent to which we continue to settle in life. That’s when we settle for a life of “meh,” a life of littleness, a life of status quo not living up to the expansive, joyful version of ourselves that our soul and the Universe are calling us toward. And the extent to which we do begin practicing self-love, is the extent to which we begin stepping into the joyful magnificence of living our highest and best.

That’s why self-love is your most important job right now. People desperately need you to love yourself enough to live your higher purpose. Because that gives them permission to do it too. It helps lift their vibration high enough so they can believe – even for a moment – that they can do it too. They need your spark of living joyfully to shake them out of their spell that says, “This is as good as it gets.”

Here’s what happens when you practice self-love: You’ll go at a pace that makes you feel good. You’ll eat foods that nourish your body. You’ll stop doing for others what serves them better to do themselves (even if they’d “rather not, thank you very much”). You’ll move toward activities that bring you more joy. You’ll start living in alignment with what brings you meaning and purpose. You’ll rest when you’re tired. You’ll create a combination of money and time that allows you to live with ease. You’ll listen for and honor your inner/spiritual messages. You’ll find a way to heal things that are hurting you. You’ll step away from depleting relationships. You’ll forgive yourself for not being perfect. You’ll start to tell yourself the truth that you’re already enough and that you’re already doing it right. You’ll be softer and gentler on yourself when you need respite and relief. You’ll be mama bear, stubbornly, powerfully, calmly demanding positive action when it’s time for that. You’ll give yourself compassion when you’re hurting, and you’ll celebrate yourself when you’re kicking butt.

These are the things of self-love. And these are the things that will fill you up so much that you can be your best self not only for yourself, but for everyone you interact with.

So, this month your provocation is to look for simple ways to be kinder to yourself. Loving you can become a playful, powerful, natural habit for good.

My Story

My Story

by | Dec 20, 2022 | Health & Wellbeing, Positive Thinking, Self-Improvement

My mom says I popped out joyful! She battled alcoholism and chronic relapses for years, but because she always worked to be sober (which she has now been 10+ years 😊), she went to a lot of counselors, and she also took my 3 older sisters and I with her to countless Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. I loved the positive community and the spiritual connection I felt when there. Between those AA meetings and listening to mom share about things she learned in therapy, I became a great lover of inner healing work!

So, the Universe drew more of those things into my experience…

In 3rd grade, I got to be in a school “support group” that I loved! I figured I was included because someone “found out” my mom was an alcoholic, but at the end of the group one of the counselors said I was picked because I seemed happy in my own skin and helped others feel at ease.

Living near Ohio State University, researchers sometimes came to elementary schools and used students as study participants. (How cool is that!) In one study, our whole class was instructed to write the letters “I-A-L-A-C” on pieces of thick construction paper, then we tied on pieces of yarn and wore these “IALAC signs” around our necks. IALAC stood for “I am lovable and capable” and we learned that the words we use toward ourselves and others could either be “cold pricklies” tearing us down, or “warm fuzzies” lifting us up. 😊

Later, my mom introduced me to Louise Hay’s book, You Can Heal Your Life. I totally fell in love with Louise and her teachings, along with Dr. Wayne Dyer’s work as well. Louise taught all about affirmations and self-love, and Wayne focused on spiritual growth and manifesting a life you love!

These things resonated with me perfectly as I pursued psychology as an undergrad, and later went for a counseling degree. Then I was blessed to find a Ph.D. program at Ohio State called Somatic Education, which focused on the mind-body-spirit connection. (If interested, Positive Psychology is a prominent field of study now, and it’s a way more direct route to this “stuff.”)

As I was nearing graduation and planning to go out into the world to teach self-love and personal/spiritual growth, the 9/11 terrorist attacks happened in 2001 and changed my path for a while. Ugh, here’s what happened…

At a weekly yoga class during the time of the attacks, the instructor always asked if anyone wanted to put anything into the center of our circle – with the intention to heal, love, or uplift.

After the terrorist attacks I could feel a powerful awareness that if everyone, everywhere, was able to truly love themselves, feel the preciousness of their own being, and listen to their own inner guidance – then tragedies like big acts of violence, and harm, and hurtfulness – couldn’t happen like that. So, at the end of a class just a few weeks after the attacks I said, “Let’s all of us put love and light around Osama Bin Laden” (who was, of course, the head ‘bad guy) “so that maybe we can help him uplift his vibration to love and light.”

O…M…G…!

I have never before or since then been SO embarrassed and uncomfortable and felt shame like that, just wanting desperately to hide under a rock… from the anger and gigantic disapproval and hostility that I got back from everyone in the yoga class. Yuk… it really was an awful experience for me.

And so, I went out into the world and presented something way less risky: stress reduction. Research-based so no one could “make fun of me” or “argue about its validity” or “disapprove of me.” (Or at least I didn’t take it quite so personally when they did 😊)

But have you noticed that the Universe will only let you “play it safe” for so long? 

Over the past few years as I’ve written more consistently, worked with a Mastermind group, used talented coaches and mentors, and worked more on my own self-love, my inner guidance has gotten stronger and clearer. Here’s what I now know: It’s not my job to get everyone’s approval. Instead, it IS my job and my time to do what I’m supposed to do on the planet. 

So after 14 years, I’m leaving my “regular” job on December 30th, to expand my author, speaker, trainer, coaching business, because I know that my divinely appointed “job” – my gift – is empowering people to love themselves and live their higher purpose. 

And part of that was letting you hear my story. So thank you!

Here’s your provocation as we move into a new year: Ask yourself any or all of the following questions:
“What is the Universe calling you to do?
“What are you on the planet to do – really?”
“What brings you joy?”
“What are your true gifts that you are being called to use?”

For right now, the sheer act of asking those beautiful (terrifying 😊) uplifting questions is enough. Just ask and breathe.

Merry Christmas and the Happiest of Holidays to you and your loved ones!

(We’re all being called higher – can you feel it?)