I remember the day I let go of my dream. I cried really hard. I had been feeling so drained – mentally, emotionally, physically, and even spiritually. I was exhausted from the whole long stressful divorce process, as well as from trying to be a single mom when time and finances were really tight.
But mostly, I felt tired to the core of my being from having something weighing on me – for decades – that I always said I wanted to do… but never did… and still kept prodding myself to do… and continually “angsted” about it because it was something I knew I “should” be doing… but just wouldn’t move forward with it… and so, felt continually disappointed with myself, and sad, and drained because of it all.
Yuk.
My “thing” was about going out on my own as an author and speaker. What’s yours? What’s a thing that weighs on you that you keep not doing?
In a state of me continuously prodding myself to “do it” but feeling tired, sad, and disappointed because I still wasn’t “doing it” – my mom, seeing my sadness and stress said, “Sweetheart, can you just let it go… and let your life already be enough?”
Damn, what a question! I felt a huge wave of sadness (and some fear), like I was about to lose a consistent companion. But I also felt an even bigger (and totally unexpected) wave of relief like, “Oh my god, could it really be okay to let all of the angsting about this go? Could I just let it go?”
I did let it go. It was amazing. And bizarre. The voice that for years had been saying, “Hurry, go get it done! Come on, you need to do it! You’re supposed to do more and be more!” didn’t have a job anymore. Within a short time, the prodding and self-criticism and the angsting about it stopped.
And I could breathe… I know now that it was my caterpillar-to-butterfly cocoon stage, and the Universe was able to do its magic while I was resting emotionally.
After a few years of that respite, my huge happy desire (to do my author/speaker work) came washing back through me! I’ve since been moving forward with more joy, clarity, intention, and empowerment than I ever have before. I own a small business, Programs That Uplift; I have one book completed; I’m working on my second; and I am writing, speaking, training, and coaching as my full-time work.
It was in my letting go that I was able to feel my heart’s desire about what I truly wanted. If it had not been in line with my soul’s highest good, the juicy impulse would not have come back in happy resonance with my heart. The same will be true for you!
What have you been putting off that has been weighing on you? Losing weight? Starting your business? Writing your book? Letting go of a relationship that’s not working? Submitting a poem? Creating a piece of art? Finding a more satisfying job? Starting your blog or YouTube channel? Taking the trip?
Here’s your provocation. I am asking you to let it go. Don’t freak out. Breathe. You have “permission” to let it go and literally stop worrying about it. You don’t ever have to pick it up again. But you can if and when you want to.
But wait… wait until you feel the gift of respite first. Wait until you can feel if it is truly what you want!
Let it go. Kindly… respectfully… perhaps with honor, or sadness, or even reverence. But let it go. And then breathe. Let it go completely for a day… or week… or month(s)… or years. Or let it go forever if it is not something you really want. I promise that if it is something beneficial and beautiful for you… you can’t harm or silence the impulse by letting it go. But you can rest the impulse so that it grows and becomes stronger, clearer, more focused, and more inspiring again.
Let yourself rest… until it is time. And when it is time – then soar. Go beyond what you have been doing. But do it while listening to the Universe as it will guide you, and do it while choosing to love yourself through the whole process.
If you’d like some more practice with loving yourself, please join me April 4th at 7pm EST for my online program “Self-Love as Spiritual Practice.” It’s free and open to anyone: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/self-love-as-spiritual-practice-tickets-494628094947