Have you ever felt big, fat, happy, juicy love for someone? Maybe your child, or your spouse, or an awesome furry four-legger. Have you ever been proud of and happy for them when something went well? How about compassionate or kind or strong for them when they were hurting? To hold other people in our hearts as precious and worthy and lovable, and to see them as inherently good (even when they mess up), is a gift that we often bestow on others. Feel the beauty and the positive power in that. Love heals. It assists people in reaching toward their highest potential.

We already know that. It’s why we cringe and feel sad or indignant or mad when we hear stories about parents or teachers or coaches telling someone we love that they’re worthless or unlovable or they’ll never be good enough… Yuk.

What if we turned some of that love and power and kindness back upon ourselves? What if we included ourselves in our circle of love and care? Self-love isn’t selfish. As a matter of fact, it’s the only thing that is powerful enough to help us reach toward living the highest version of ourselves. So, contrary to popular belief, here’s what’s actually selfish: hanging onto our brain’s negativity bias, and the role modeling we saw of others’ constant self-criticism, and the memory of old messages that said we’re not worthy or lovable or good enough. That’s the selfish – albeit unconscious – habit.

Here’s why it’s selfish to hang onto the habit of constant self-criticism and incessant “I’m not good enough” and “I’m not doing it right enough” self-talk. Because the extent to which we continue our habit of self-criticism over the choice to practice self-love, is the extent to which we continue to settle in life. That’s when we settle for a life of “meh,” a life of littleness, a life of status quo not living up to the expansive, joyful version of ourselves that our soul and the Universe are calling us toward. And the extent to which we do begin practicing self-love, is the extent to which we begin stepping into the joyful magnificence of living our highest and best.

That’s why self-love is your most important job right now. People desperately need you to love yourself enough to live your higher purpose. Because that gives them permission to do it too. It helps lift their vibration high enough so they can believe – even for a moment – that they can do it too. They need your spark of living joyfully to shake them out of their spell that says, “This is as good as it gets.”

Here’s what happens when you practice self-love: You’ll go at a pace that makes you feel good. You’ll eat foods that nourish your body. You’ll stop doing for others what serves them better to do themselves (even if they’d “rather not, thank you very much”). You’ll move toward activities that bring you more joy. You’ll start living in alignment with what brings you meaning and purpose. You’ll rest when you’re tired. You’ll create a combination of money and time that allows you to live with ease. You’ll listen for and honor your inner/spiritual messages. You’ll find a way to heal things that are hurting you. You’ll step away from depleting relationships. You’ll forgive yourself for not being perfect. You’ll start to tell yourself the truth that you’re already enough and that you’re already doing it right. You’ll be softer and gentler on yourself when you need respite and relief. You’ll be mama bear, stubbornly, powerfully, calmly demanding positive action when it’s time for that. You’ll give yourself compassion when you’re hurting, and you’ll celebrate yourself when you’re kicking butt.

These are the things of self-love. And these are the things that will fill you up so much that you can be your best self not only for yourself, but for everyone you interact with.

So, this month your provocation is to look for simple ways to be kinder to yourself. Loving you can become a playful, powerful, natural habit for good.

My mom says I popped out joyful! She battled alcoholism and chronic relapses for years, but because she always worked to be sober (which she has now been 10+ years 😊), she went to a lot of counselors, and she also took my 3 older sisters and I with her to countless Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. I loved the positive community and the spiritual connection I felt when there. Between those AA meetings and listening to mom share about things she learned in therapy, I became a great lover of inner healing work!

So, the Universe drew more of those things into my experience…

In 3^rd grade, I got to be in a school “support group” that I loved! I figured I was included because someone “found out” my mom was an alcoholic, but at the end of the group one of the counselors said I was picked because I seemed happy in my own skin and helped others feel at ease.

Living near Ohio State University, researchers sometimes came to elementary schools and used students as study participants. (How cool is that!) In one study, our whole class was instructed to write the letters “I-A-L-A-C” on pieces of thick construction paper, then we tied on pieces of yarn and wore these “IALAC signs” around our necks. IALAC stood for “I am lovable and capable” and we learned that the words we use toward ourselves and others could either be “cold pricklies” tearing us down, or “warm fuzzies” lifting us up. 😊

Later, my mom introduced me to Louise Hay’s book, You Can Heal Your Life. I totally fell in love with Louise and her teachings, along with Dr. Wayne Dyer’s work as well. Louise taught all about affirmations and self-love, and Wayne focused on spiritual growth and manifesting a life you love!

These things resonated with me perfectly as I pursued psychology as an undergrad, and later went for a counseling degree. Then I was blessed to find a Ph.D. program at Ohio State called Somatic Education, which focused on the mind-body-spirit connection. (If interested, Positive Psychology is a prominent field of study now, and it’s a way more direct route to this “stuff.”)

As I was nearing graduation and planning to go out into the world to teach self-love and personal/spiritual growth, the 9/11 terrorist attacks happened in 2001 and changed my path for a while. Ugh, here’s what happened…

At a weekly yoga class during the time of the attacks, the instructor always asked if anyone wanted to put anything into the center of our circle – with the intention to heal, love, or uplift.

After the terrorist attacks I could feel a powerful awareness that if everyone, everywhere, was able to truly love themselves, feel the preciousness of their own being, and listen to their own inner guidance – then tragedies like big acts of violence, and harm, and hurtfulness – couldn’t happen like that. So, at the end of a class just a few weeks after the attacks I said, “Let’s all of us put love and light around Osama Bin Laden” (who was, of course, the head ‘bad guy) “so that maybe we can help him uplift his vibration to love and light.”

O…M…G…!

I have never before or since then been SO embarrassed and uncomfortable and felt shame like that, just wanting desperately to hide under a rock… from the anger and gigantic disapproval and hostility that I got back from everyone in the yoga class. Yuk… it really was an awful experience for me.

And so, I went out into the world and presented something way less risky: stress reduction. Research-based so no one could “make fun of me” or “argue about its validity” or “disapprove of me.” (Or at least I didn’t take it quite so personally when they did 😊)

But have you noticed that the Universe will only let you “play it safe” for so long? 

Over the past few years as I’ve written more consistently, worked with a Mastermind group, used talented coaches and mentors, and worked more on my own self-love, my inner guidance has gotten stronger and clearer. Here’s what I now know: It’s not my job to get everyone’s approval. Instead, it IS my job and my time to do what I’m supposed to do on the planet. 

So after 14 years, I’m leaving my “regular” job on December 30^th, to expand my author, speaker, trainer, coaching business, because I know that my divinely appointed “job” – my gift – is empowering people to love themselves and live their higher purpose. 

And part of that was letting you hear my story. So thank you!

Here’s your provocation as we move into a new year: Ask yourself any or all of the following questions:
“What is the Universe calling you to do?
“What are you on the planet to do – really?”
“What brings you joy?”
“What are your true gifts that you are being called to use?”

For right now, the sheer act of asking those beautiful (terrifying 😊) uplifting questions is enough. Just ask and breathe.

Merry Christmas and the Happiest of Holidays to you and your loved ones!

(We’re all being called higher – can you feel it?)

Have you ever heard the White Horse Story? It’s a metaphor for life, and in a nutshell, it goes like this:

A farmer and his son lived alone because the wife/mom had died. (How awful…)

One day a beautiful white horse showed up at the farm and the farmer and son got to keep it. (How great!)

As the son was riding the white horse he fell off and broke his leg. (How awful…)

It was a time of war for the village where the son and farmer lived and the military needed all the young men to come and fight; but because the son had broken his leg and could not go, the farmer did not lose his son to war. (How great!)

When all the young men got back from the war, they were given great riches which they shared with their families. But the farmer, whose son did not participate because of the broken leg, got nothing. (How awful…) 

And on and on it goes. Hmmm… see a pattern? I don’t remember when I first heard that story, but I still remember the awesome metaphor for life that it is. Life just keeps going. It’s a continuous cycle of experiences – some we label “good” and some “bad.” It seems, however, that sometimes the label is more accurately pronounced weeks, months, or even years later.

Here’s what I mean. Don’t you remember that there have been things that happened to you that at the moment really sucked (relationship breakup, getting laid off, illness of you or a loved one, you didn’t make the team or get the promotion, a car accident, a money mess up, true loss, or any of the other seemingly endless times that a situation didn’t turn out the way you wanted it to)… but that later turned out beautifully (beyond what you thought possible) or became an important part of your heart’s or soul’s growth?

I think we can’t afford to miss that possibility – the possibility that the “bad” things that happen – although they definitely do suck in the moment (let’s never pretend they don’t!) – can and do often turn out to assist in uplifting/helping/healing us in some way.

So, here’s a beautiful way to move through the White Horse Story that is life. It’s also your provocation for the month! When something “good” happens to you (because it often will!) be there with it…fully, deliciously basking in every precious moment of its goodness of it! And if something “bad” happens to you (because it sometimes will!) be kind to yourself in the moment, hold yourself gently and patiently as you allow the yucky/sucky feeling to move through, and then… even if the “bad” feels like it’s too present or too big to ever not be there, remember the White Horse Story of Life knowing “this too shall pass.”

And maybe… just maybe… some great good for your life will grow from it!

If we remember that possibility we’ll all get through the sucky “How awful…” times more gracefully and more quickly. The Universe is kind of magic that way.
Please join me for my free monthly online program: Self-Love is the Path 1^st Tuesdays each month 7 pm EST. Register HERE for Tuesday, Dec 6.