My Story

My Story

by | Dec 20, 2022 | Health & Wellbeing, Positive Thinking, Self-Improvement

My mom says I popped out joyful! She battled alcoholism and chronic relapses for years, but because she always worked to be sober (which she has now been 10+ years 😊), she went to a lot of counselors, and she also took my 3 older sisters and I with her to countless Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. I loved the positive community and the spiritual connection I felt when there. Between those AA meetings and listening to mom share about things she learned in therapy, I became a great lover of inner healing work!

So, the Universe drew more of those things into my experience…

In 3rd grade, I got to be in a school “support group” that I loved! I figured I was included because someone “found out” my mom was an alcoholic, but at the end of the group one of the counselors said I was picked because I seemed happy in my own skin and helped others feel at ease.

Living near Ohio State University, researchers sometimes came to elementary schools and used students as study participants. (How cool is that!) In one study, our whole class was instructed to write the letters “I-A-L-A-C” on pieces of thick construction paper, then we tied on pieces of yarn and wore these “IALAC signs” around our necks. IALAC stood for “I am lovable and capable” and we learned that the words we use toward ourselves and others could either be “cold pricklies” tearing us down, or “warm fuzzies” lifting us up. 😊

Later, my mom introduced me to Louise Hay’s book, You Can Heal Your Life. I totally fell in love with Louise and her teachings, along with Dr. Wayne Dyer’s work as well. Louise taught all about affirmations and self-love, and Wayne focused on spiritual growth and manifesting a life you love!

These things resonated with me perfectly as I pursued psychology as an undergrad, and later went for a counseling degree. Then I was blessed to find a Ph.D. program at Ohio State called Somatic Education, which focused on the mind-body-spirit connection. (If interested, Positive Psychology is a prominent field of study now, and it’s a way more direct route to this “stuff.”)

As I was nearing graduation and planning to go out into the world to teach self-love and personal/spiritual growth, the 9/11 terrorist attacks happened in 2001 and changed my path for a while. Ugh, here’s what happened…

At a weekly yoga class during the time of the attacks, the instructor always asked if anyone wanted to put anything into the center of our circle – with the intention to heal, love, or uplift.

After the terrorist attacks I could feel a powerful awareness that if everyone, everywhere, was able to truly love themselves, feel the preciousness of their own being, and listen to their own inner guidance – then tragedies like big acts of violence, and harm, and hurtfulness – couldn’t happen like that. So, at the end of a class just a few weeks after the attacks I said, “Let’s all of us put love and light around Osama Bin Laden” (who was, of course, the head ‘bad guy) “so that maybe we can help him uplift his vibration to love and light.”

O…M…G…!

I have never before or since then been SO embarrassed and uncomfortable and felt shame like that, just wanting desperately to hide under a rock… from the anger and gigantic disapproval and hostility that I got back from everyone in the yoga class. Yuk… it really was an awful experience for me.

And so, I went out into the world and presented something way less risky: stress reduction. Research-based so no one could “make fun of me” or “argue about its validity” or “disapprove of me.” (Or at least I didn’t take it quite so personally when they did 😊)

But have you noticed that the Universe will only let you “play it safe” for so long? 

Over the past few years as I’ve written more consistently, worked with a Mastermind group, used talented coaches and mentors, and worked more on my own self-love, my inner guidance has gotten stronger and clearer. Here’s what I now know: It’s not my job to get everyone’s approval. Instead, it IS my job and my time to do what I’m supposed to do on the planet. 

So after 14 years, I’m leaving my “regular” job on December 30th, to expand my author, speaker, trainer, coaching business, because I know that my divinely appointed “job” – my gift – is empowering people to love themselves and live their higher purpose. 

And part of that was letting you hear my story. So thank you!

Here’s your provocation as we move into a new year: Ask yourself any or all of the following questions:
“What is the Universe calling you to do?
“What are you on the planet to do – really?”
“What brings you joy?”
“What are your true gifts that you are being called to use?”

For right now, the sheer act of asking those beautiful (terrifying 😊) uplifting questions is enough. Just ask and breathe.

Merry Christmas and the Happiest of Holidays to you and your loved ones!

(We’re all being called higher – can you feel it?)

White Horse Story of Life

White Horse Story of Life

by | Nov 30, 2022 | Health & Wellbeing, Positive Thinking, Self-Improvement

Have you ever heard the White Horse Story? It’s a metaphor for life, and in a nutshell, it goes like this:

A farmer and his son lived alone because the wife/mom had died. (How awful…)

One day a beautiful white horse showed up at the farm and the farmer and son got to keep it. (How great!)

As the son was riding the white horse he fell off and broke his leg. (How awful…)

It was a time of war for the village where the son and farmer lived and the military needed all the young men to come and fight; but because the son had broken his leg and could not go, the farmer did not lose his son to war. (How great!)

When all the young men got back from the war, they were given great riches which they shared with their families. But the farmer, whose son did not participate because of the broken leg, got nothing. (How awful…) 

And on and on it goes. Hmmm… see a pattern? I don’t remember when I first heard that story, but I still remember the awesome metaphor for life that it is. Life just keeps going. It’s a continuous cycle of experiences – some we label “good” and some “bad.” It seems, however, that sometimes the label is more accurately pronounced weeks, months, or even years later.

Here’s what I mean. Don’t you remember that there have been things that happened to you that at the moment really sucked (relationship breakup, getting laid off, illness of you or a loved one, you didn’t make the team or get the promotion, a car accident, a money mess up, true loss, or any of the other seemingly endless times that a situation didn’t turn out the way you wanted it to)… but that later turned out beautifully (beyond what you thought possible) or became an important part of your heart’s or soul’s growth?

I think we can’t afford to miss that possibility – the possibility that the “bad” things that happen – although they definitely do suck in the moment (let’s never pretend they don’t!) – can and do often turn out to assist in uplifting/helping/healing us in some way.

So, here’s a beautiful way to move through the White Horse Story that is life. It’s also your provocation for the month! When something “good” happens to you (because it often will!) be there with it…fully, deliciously basking in every precious moment of its goodness of it! And if something “bad” happens to you (because it sometimes will!) be kind to yourself in the moment, hold yourself gently and patiently as you allow the yucky/sucky feeling to move through, and then… even if the “bad” feels like it’s too present or too big to ever not be there, remember the White Horse Story of Life knowing “this too shall pass.”

And maybe… just maybe… some great good for your life will grow from it!

If we remember that possibility we’ll all get through the sucky “How awful…” times more gracefully and more quickly. The Universe is kind of magic that way.
Please join me for my free monthly online program: Self-Love is the Path 1st Tuesdays each month 7 pm EST. Register HERE for Tuesday, Dec 6.

Allow Your Tiredness

Allow Your Tiredness

by | Aug 23, 2022 | Avoiding Stress, Health & Wellbeing, Self-Improvement

Do you ever do this? Do you ever decide if you’re “allowed” to feel tired or yucky based on if your brain can come up with a “reason” you “should” feel yucky? Or give yourself a hard time, or at least feel annoyed, if you feel crappy when there’s “no reason” to feel crappy?

I caught myself doing that yesterday morning and as I was telling a friend about it, I noticed that my brain (and its inner committee 😊) likes to divide things into three distinct pods based on how I’m feeling and the circumstances for each:

  1. I wake up and feel good – (Brain’s interpretation: “Yay, that feels good, so all is well!”)
  2. I wake up and feel yucky – but I can come up with a reason why I feel yucky like I went to bed way too late, or I’m nervous about something, or I worked out too hard, or sat at my computer all day with no exercise, or I’ve been running around like a freak too many days in a row, or I ate stuff that made me feel puffy or bloated or heavy, or I’m detoxing physically or spiritually healing/changing old patterns, or I can feel a cold coming on, etc. etc. (Brain’s interpretation: “Well, I don’t like feeling like this, but I understand it, so all is still okay.”)
  3. I wake up and feel yucky – but I have “no reason” to feel yucky because I ate things that made my body happy, and I worked out just the right amount for me, and I’m not procrastinating on anything, and all is well with my humans, and there’s nothing specific worrying me, etc. etc. (Brain’s interpretation: “What?? I don’t like this at all. It makes no sense! Why are you feeling funky when nothing’s wrong? Come on, mush doggy! I don’t understand this; it’s not okay!”)

Yeah, I know – pretty hilarious. So yesterday morning, I noticed all three: I felt physically tired and crunched up; I felt annoyed because I hate that feeling; AND I couldn’t find a good reason for why.

And then a simple insight (and gift) popped in: Darcy, you can push against the yucky feeling. Really…if you need to do that it’s okay. And later your energized “I feel good” will come back anyway. Or… you could choose to not push against it as you wait for your “I feel good” to come back. You can be as slow and gentle and kind and undisturbed with it as you are with Chris, Nik, mom, or any other human when they are feeling tired or “off.”

Wow… cool. In that moment I got it that I could say to my beautiful brain, “Hey, thanks for trying to keep me safe by always trying to figure things out. But I don’t need you to do that right now. I promise all is well.” This time around I picked that choice… and it was awesome. I felt my whole “I’m on guard! Wait… what’s wrong?!” thing totally soften and chill out and actually leave. I still felt physically tired and slow for the moment. But along with that I just felt easy. How cool is that?

So, here’s your provocation (and gift): the next time you find yourself mentally, emotionally, physically, or spiritually “off” even if there’s no good reason to feel that way… stand metaphorically tall and strong, and say kindly but firmly to your beautiful brain and chatty inner committee, “Hey, thank you – but I got this. All is well. You can stand down. We’re just going to go with the flow, roll with it, allow whatever is going on. Because I promise that soon enough, like all things, this too will pass.”

Because I promise…  like all things, this too will pass. And it turns out that when we treat ourselves kindly by allowing it – things pass more gracefully and quickly too 😊.

Take kind, loving care of yourself today and this month. And sign up here for next month’s “Self-Love is the Path” class. It’s free, online, and open to everyone! It’s Tuesday, Sept. 6th 7pm EST (after a nice long Labor Day weekend for many of us!) and I would love to have you join me!

Be Like a Tree

Be Like a Tree

by | Jul 26, 2022 | Avoiding Stress, Health & Wellbeing, Self-Improvement

Does this ever happen to you? I woke up with a total food hangover. The night before, Chris and I ate at a restaurant commonly accused of using monosodium glutamate (MSG) in lots of their foods. Granted, MSG makes my food taste totally wonderful and salty and just the right spiciness. But… it also keeps me awake for hours, makes my sleep light and weird when I finally do fall asleep, and makes me really puffy in the morning. (Nice!)

Then when we got home (already late) Chris made us each a brownie hot fudge sundae which I decided to eat Mindfully, fully basking in and enjoying every insanely delicious bite. Until the end… when my belly wanted to be done, but my mouth wanted more. So I stopped being Mindful and I ate the last of it anyway.

Thus, along with my MSG puffiness and fatigue from crappy sleep, I also felt like I had a big heavy brick in my belly.

But what accompanies those physical sensations is always worse: regret for having made those choices. Sad, quiet, mostly under the radar subtle feelings of disappointment and regret and sadness and self-flogging. The visual is me getting a tired, disappointed, disapproving look on my face and subtly shaking my head in a way that says, “Why would you do that again? I’m so sick of trying with you.” Yuk.

I’m writing a book on Self-Love. An important principle that I keep coming back to is that our whole day (our whole world, actually) will go significantly better if we start each day by doing 2 things before we take any other action steps: first, do something, anything that is simply kind to you (i.e. a Self-Love practice); second, check in for any Inner Guidance that you can hear or feel.

As I started reaching for my computer to write this Self-Care Provocation – with tired puffy eyes and full heavy belly and regret for having done it to myself – I remembered that important principle and decided to follow it. I thought through a few of the Self-Love practices I’ve been writing about, and I decided on the Hawaiian prayer/mantra meditation: Ho’oponopono. It’s a 4-sentence prayer/mantra that you repeat over and over until you feel complete.

I know by body loves touch so, rubbing my hands across my belly, I said the Ho’oponopono phrases over and over. Slowly…as if really talking to my belly,

“I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.
I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.
I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.
I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.”

Over and over, gently rubbing my belly (like I used to do all the time so lovingly when Nikolas was in there growing 😊). “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.” Oh my goodness… how amazing and miraculous to feel the regret and disapproval and disappointment melt into soft, loving, self-compassion for me and my beautiful belly and body. Even though the full heavy feeling was still there! Wow…beautiful.

And then I put my computer down and pulled out my journal, because for me that’s one of the easiest ways I can hear my Inner Guidance. And when I did that, it became obvious that this was the topic I wanted to write about today. Cool.

You deserve to be kind to you no matter your choices. If and when you feel disapproval or regret or disappointment or madness or sadness for ANY choice you make today… be kind to you by saying the Ho’oponopono phrases, over and over. “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.” And see if anything shifts.

With great love,

Food Hangovers and a Hawaiian Prayer

Food Hangovers and a Hawaiian Prayer

by | Jun 24, 2022 | Avoiding Stress, Health & Wellbeing, Self-Improvement

Does this ever happen to you? I woke up with a total food hangover. The night before, Chris and I ate at a restaurant commonly accused of using monosodium glutamate (MSG) in lots of their foods. Granted, MSG makes my food taste totally wonderful and salty and just the right spiciness. But… it also keeps me awake for hours, makes my sleep light and weird when I finally do fall asleep, and makes me really puffy in the morning. (Nice!)

Then when we got home (already late) Chris made us each a brownie hot fudge sundae which I decided to eat Mindfully, fully basking in and enjoying every insanely delicious bite. Until the end… when my belly wanted to be done, but my mouth wanted more. So I stopped being Mindful and I ate the last of it anyway.

Thus, along with my MSG puffiness and fatigue from crappy sleep, I also felt like I had a big heavy brick in my belly.

But what accompanies those physical sensations is always worse: regret for having made those choices. Sad, quiet, mostly under the radar subtle feelings of disappointment and regret and sadness and self-flogging. The visual is me getting a tired, disappointed, disapproving look on my face and subtly shaking my head in a way that says, “Why would you do that again? I’m so sick of trying with you.” Yuk.

I’m writing a book on Self-Love. An important principle that I keep coming back to is that our whole day (our whole world, actually) will go significantly better if we start each day by doing 2 things before we take any other action steps: first, do something, anything that is simply kind to you (i.e. a Self-Love practice); second, check in for any Inner Guidance that you can hear or feel.

As I started reaching for my computer to write this Self-Care Provocation – with tired puffy eyes and full heavy belly and regret for having done it to myself – I remembered that important principle and decided to follow it. I thought through a few of the Self-Love practices I’ve been writing about, and I decided on the Hawaiian prayer/mantra meditation: Ho’oponopono. It’s a 4-sentence prayer/mantra that you repeat over and over until you feel complete.

I know by body loves touch so, rubbing my hands across my belly, I said the Ho’oponopono phrases over and over. Slowly…as if really talking to my belly,

“I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.
I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.
I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.
I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.”

Over and over, gently rubbing my belly (like I used to do all the time so lovingly when Nikolas was in there growing 😊). “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.” Oh my goodness… how amazing and miraculous to feel the regret and disapproval and disappointment melt into soft, loving, self-compassion for me and my beautiful belly and body. Even though the full heavy feeling was still there! Wow…beautiful.

And then I put my computer down and pulled out my journal, because for me that’s one of the easiest ways I can hear my Inner Guidance. And when I did that, it became obvious that this was the topic I wanted to write about today. Cool.

You deserve to be kind to you no matter your choices. If and when you feel disapproval or regret or disappointment or madness or sadness for ANY choice you make today… be kind to you by saying the Ho’oponopono phrases, over and over. “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.” And see if anything shifts.

With great love,

Darcy

 

Magic Way to Shift People

Magic Way to Shift People

by | May 11, 2022 | Avoiding Stress, Health & Wellbeing, Self-Improvement

I adore my kid. And… sometimes he drives me nuts. To be fair, at 18-years old and a senior in high school getting ready to graduate in a few weeks, there is a VERY good chance that I drive him nuts way more often than he does me 😊.

A cool thing happened on Sunday after my family and I all met for Sunday brunch that reminded me (again!) about how powerful it is when we shift ourselves first. And that sometimes when we do that – weird, cool, beautiful, magical-seeming shifts can happen with those around us.

Let me set the stage a bit: there were 8 of us meeting and we were coming from 3 different places. Originally Nik was going to drive by himself, but things changed – as things do – (can you hear the annoying “mom-ness” in that phrase?) so Nik and I drove up together being slightly irritated with each other. Nothing huge, we were just both tired and sort of “over” each other. I was “over” him being annoyed when I asked about some senior/college “stuff” and his plan for getting some of it done. He was “over” me trying to make him do things when he is an 18-year-old who has always been a really good student who usually gets things done.

We all met at the restaurant, and Nik and I shifted easily – as is so often the case when other humans are around. Brunch was lovely! But then instead of Chris driving Nik home (which was definitely Nik’s preference), Nik had to drive first with his grandma and I (6’ 4” basketball player stuffed in the back of my Soul – nice!) until we dropped her off, and then with just he and I the rest of the way home. Nik had his Airpods in and we were both just quiet as we drove.

And then I did something awesome. I don’t say that to brag. I say that because it took some intention and effort – which is hard sometimes. I shifted myself. I did it to make myself feel better, not to change Nik. That’s an important part. I shifted because I knew it was a kind, loving, powerful thing to do – both for Nik and for myself. Here’s how I did it: I started dwelling on what I thought were Nik’s Divine Self/Higher Self qualities. At Nik’s highest level who is he? If Nik’s Higher Self was sitting next to me right now, what qualities would I notice?

Wow, cool. When I asked myself that, here were the qualities that I saw/felt so easily: huge strength of being… funny… loving… beautiful wisdom… “I got this, mom”… competent… steadfast… gentle… strong. (As I’m writing this, I can feel it again.) So, as I was reaching for those qualities, Nik and I were still just sitting there driving home. Nik was listening to rap songs through his Airpods, scrolling on his phone, having no idea what I was doing. And I’m telling you all of a sudden everything felt totally different in the car. A big energy-draining weight felt like it got taken off. And the feeling left in the car was just light and easy. I LOVE that feeling!

That would have been a big enough deal. But then, without him saying a word, Nik takes his elbow and reaches it out and touches mine with his. And that teeny tiny gesture felt like magic. Later I’ll ask if he remembers doing that and/or feeling things shift in the car. But for now, I’ll just keep basking in how beautiful it all felt.

That’s your provocation for May: take someone living or passed and ask yourself to find their Higher Self qualities. Use your mind and heart and soul’s remembrance and visuals and imagination and try to feel for the answer to, “What are the qualities of her/his Higher Self?” That’s the whole provocation. Try it first with people you know really well, because the moment you ask the question the Universal Intelligence will flood you with knowing! What a cool way to raise your own vibration! And in that – us shifting ourselves to a higher vibration first – lies the cool possibility of helping others shift to a higher vibration too. That’s a win-win!