Self-Care | Dr. Darcy Lord

The Importance of Self-Love

by Dr. Darcy Lord | Aug 27, 2025 | Health & Wellbeing, Positive Thinking, Self-Care, Self-Improvement

In one of our previous articles, ‘How to Learn to Love Yourself’, we explored meaningful steps tailored toward helping you nurture a deeper relationship with yourself, from the inside out. Today, we move further by helping you learn about the importance of self-love and why it truly matters for your overall well-being.

A Steady Foundation for Your Heart and Mind

At the root of emotional well-being is a simple yet powerful truth… When you begin to love yourself, your inner world starts to soften. The voice in your head grows kinder. Fear and shame start to lose their grip.

A solid inner foundation brings clarity and calm to your heart and mind. You become more focused, optimistic, and at ease. Doubt, overwhelm, and anxiety no longer dominate your thoughts. Instead, you come to the realization that you are more able to stay aligned with your goals, and at the same time make confident decisions that support a more fulfilling and intentional life.

Teaches you how to create healthy boundaries

Self-love gives you the clarity to protect your energy and the courage to set boundaries that honor your well-being. Saying “no” stops feeling selfish and starts feeling sacred. Whether it’s stepping away from a draining conversation or declining a commitment that doesn’t serve you, these choices become acts of self-respect.

Always remember that once you’ve lovingly communicated your boundaries, you should also take time to gently check in with yourself. Are your boundaries still honoring your needs? If, for instance, someone oversteps (i.e. your boss or client keeps calling after hours), it’s okay to lovingly protect your peace by silencing your phone and having a kind but clear follow-up conversation.

If expressing your limits feels hard, remind yourself that your voice matters and your needs are valid. You deserve to feel safe, seen, and supported. And if you’re finding it difficult to speak up, know that you’re not alone. I’m here to support you. Reach out to me to learn gentle yet assertive ways you can communicate your boundaries. On a recent one-on-one 90-min deep dive, I supplied some ways to say “no” that my client said were quite helpful!

Helps improves your decision-making skills

Loving yourself shifts how you make decisions. You no longer chase approval or settle for what looks good on paper. Instead, you start making space for choices that reflect your values. That is a huge shift! (I know because I used to chase approval all the time.)

Self-love gives you the confidence to listen to your inner voice, honor your intuition, and choose paths that align with your core values. Whether it’s relationships, career moves, or daily habits, you make choices that support your well-being and future. Over time, your decisions feel more empowered, intentional, and rooted in self-respect rather than self-doubt.

Enhances physical health

Self-love naturally extends to how you treat your body. When you value yourself, things like rest, nourishing meals, movement, and checkups stop feeling like chores and become gifts. You begin to view your body not as something to fix or criticize, but as a living, breathing vessel that deserves your kindness (because it IS a living, breathing vessel that deserves your kindness!).

This shift in perspective encourages you to listen more closely to your body’s needs and respond with care rather than punishment. You become more mindful of what fuels your energy, supports your healing, and brings you joy. Over time, these loving habits create a foundation for lasting wellness.

Fosters healthy and loving relationships

The way you love yourself sets the tone for how others love you. I love remembering this. When you’re rooted in self-respect, you’re less likely to settle for unhealthy dynamics or lose yourself trying to earn love. You connect not out of need, but out of choice.

From this space, you attract relationships that feel safe, balanced, and nourishing. You’re able to communicate your needs with honesty and kindness, while also holding space for others to do the same. Self-love teaches you to give and receive love without fear or desperation. It becomes easier to build connections grounded in mutual respect, trust, and care.

Builds resilience and coping skills

At times, life brings its share of heartaches and setbacks. That is part of our common humanity. But when you have a loving relationship with yourself, you learn not to abandon yourself in those moments. Self-love helps you face difficulty with a grounded heart, knowing that even when life gets heavy, you are never broken, and you can always get up and begin again.

Instead of spiraling into self-blame or hopelessness, you offer yourself compassion and patience. You become your own safe place, reminding yourself that healing isn’t linear and strength doesn’t mean perfection. With self-love, you rise, slowly, gently, and with grace, learning to grow through every challenge.

Fuels personal growth and authenticity

One of the most beautiful gifts of self-love is the freedom it offers. The freedom to stop hiding, performing, or pretending. When you accept who you are, even the messy parts (and we all have those!), you reclaim all the energy spent trying to be someone else. You begin to invite yourself to grow more intentionally.

That growth is rooted in your own inner truth, not pressure, allowing your life to align with your values rather than external expectations. You feel safe to explore your passions, speak your truth, and evolve without fear of judgment. Or at least with less fear of judgment. With each step, you come home a bit more to yourself, more real, more whole, and more connected to your authentic path.

Conclusion

When it comes to self-love, your greatest growth often starts with one quiet decision: to stop resisting who you are, and simply welcome it. You can start this wonderful and fulfilling journey by rewiring your brain for self-love today with my neuroscience-backed method. Start right now by committing to just 60 seconds daily for 7 days of self-kindness. Even this small of an action starts to carve new self-love pathways through your brain’s neuroplasticity. Your mind is ready to change. You are worth loving and one minute is all it takes to begin!

How to Learn to Love Yourself

by Dr. Darcy Lord | Jul 13, 2025 | Avoiding Stress, Health & Wellbeing, Self-Care

At its core, self-love is about showing up for yourself—fully and honestly. The real shift begins the moment you choose to accept yourself exactly as you are. Whether it’s accepting your light and your shadows, or your strengths and weaknesses (because we all have both), give yourself permission to do it with compassion.

Consider it a devotion to living truthfully and treating yourself like someone who matters. (Because you are someone who matters.) Over time, this kind of care builds a foundation of trust within, fostering deep self-respect, which in turn creates the inner security we all crave. Inner security is a foundation for more graceful, Godspeed growth, and is necessary for deeper connections with others.

Steps on how to learn to love yourself

There comes a moment, quiet and often unannounced, when you realize you’re tired of the way you’ve been treating yourself.

Tired of the way you shrink to make others comfortable.

Tired of the critical voice in your head that never lets up.

Tired of feeling like your worth is always on trial.

Somewhere in the middle of that exhaustion, a deep desire gets cultivated within you declaring, “I want to learn how to love myself! Not perform self-love. Not fake it for the world. But really learn tenderly and honestly how to love myself.” If that’s you, here are simple steps you can take to start loving yourself.

Awareness

Self-love doesn’t begin with bubble baths or spa days. It begins with understanding and honoring yourself. Think about with others you love, you can’t truly love what you haven’t taken time to know.

It’s so easy to move through life on autopilot. We are always rushing, pleasing, or trying to fix everything. But underneath all that noise is a soft voice, waiting to be heard.

Amplify that voice. Start small, just a few times a day, pause and ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now?” and “Where do I feel it in my body?” You don’t need to solve anything, just name it. That gentle noticing is the beginning of self-awareness, and self-awareness is the foundation of self-love.

Tip: Journaling can help you go even deeper and make your truth more visible. Ask yourself, “What do I keep coming back to? When do I feel most like myself? What does my inner critic say, and what might a kinder voice offer instead?” No judgment, just presence. Because when you begin to see yourself clearly, without turning away, that’s when love begins to bloom.

Speak gently to yourself

Words have power so remember you’re not lazy, you’re not behind, you’re not broken, but instead you are trying. And trying deserves kindness. Start tuning into your inner dialogue. If your thoughts are harsh, ask yourself, “Would I say this to someone I love?” If the answer is no, change your words. Instead of, “I messed up again.” Try saying, “That didn’t go how I wanted, but I’m learning and growing.”

This shift is so powerful because compassion to self doesn’t make you soft, it makes you more powerful and resilient.

Care for your body

Your body isn’t the enemy. It’s your oldest companion, and the one who will be with you until the end of this (wild and miraculous) life. It has carried you through every heartbreak, every joy, every Monday morning. So, give it what it needs—not as punishment or performance, but as love. That might mean:

Going to bed earlier tonight.

Eating a few more high nutrient foods (or fewer low nutrient foods 😊) today.

Letting your body move in any way for 5, 10, or 20 minutes.

Take a big, long stretch and drink some water before social media scrolling.

Enjoy a long shower or bath to unwind.

Take 3 long, slow breaths before (or after) something stressful or challenging.

And mostly, remember that your beautiful body (whatever it’s current “shape”) is your soul’s personal home.

Learn to say No

Boundaries are not walls, they are doors. They decide who gets access to your time, energy, and heart. If something drains you, you don’t have to keep saying yes. You can say, “That doesn’t work for me right now.” Or perhaps, “I need time to think before I commit.” Or my personal favorite, that my son, Nik, teases me about, “I’m going to check my inner guidance before I decide.”

You don’t owe everyone access to you. Protecting your inner peace is crucial and one of the greatest acts of deep self-respect.

Revisit the child inside

There’s a younger version of you who wanted to be seen, chosen, and comforted. One who at times didn’t get the love, safety, or acceptance she needed. Instead of ignoring her/him/them, try writing her a letter. Tell her she did her best. Tell her she never deserved the things she endured. Promise her you’ll be the one to show up now.

Say, “I know it was scary. You were just trying to survive. But I’m here now. I’ll take care of you.” You can also play. Yes, really play: blow bubbles; dance like no one’s watching (or like everyone’s watching if you’re a “happy little dance freak” (says Chris) like me! Color outside the lines (or inside the lines in a real coloring book!). Healing doesn’t always look serious. Sometimes it looks like joy.

Joy isn’t childish. It’s medicine. Yes to that!

Forgive yourself – again

You’ve made mistakes. We all have. You are not your worst moment. You are not your past choices. As a matter of fact, you don’t have to carry your past mistakes forever. At some point, you must stop punishing yourself for who you were when you didn’t know better. Would you do the same thing today? Probably not. Which means back then, you did what you knew how to do with the awareness and level of consciousness you had at the time. That’s not an excuse; it’s just the reality.

Try this, write a regret on a piece of paper. Read it. Feel it. Then burn it, bury it, or rip it up, and throw it away. Say aloud, “I release what no longer serves me.”

You’re allowed to begin again – every day if you need to.

Let your real self be seen

There’s no version of you more powerful than the real you. Not the version that tries to be who everyone likes (trust me, I played that role for much of my life!). Not the version that performs, hides, or mimics (yep, I’ve done those too).

Understand one thing… you are not here to be small. So go ahead and wear the clothes you love. Speak the truth, even when your voice shakes. Make art that’s messy. Be weird, bold, soft, sassy, or whatever you really are! (A friend of mine says we can be “spicy” – I love that!)

You weren’t born to blend in. You were born to become. Starting today, stop asking the world for permission to be you. Self-love is not only about acceptance—it’s about celebration. It’s about becoming unapologetically you. (Yes, I know that’s easier said than done – but you are so worth it!)

Choose your people and environment

You’re not meant to thrive in environments that shrink you. Pay attention to how you feel around people. Do a little community inventory. Who are the people who energize and uplift you? Who drains you? Do they celebrate your wins or try to squish you? Who makes you feel like you can show up as your full, glorious, messy, miraculous self?

Surround yourself with those who remind you of your worth when you forget it. And if you don’t have those people yet – actually, even if you do have those people – be that person to yourself.

Also, protect your digital appetite. Unfollow anyone who makes you feel like you’re not enough. Follow voices that remind you of your enough-ness. Remember, your mental space is sacred.

Celebrate the messy middle

Self-love is a journey. It doesn’t mean you’re happy all the time. It means you stay with yourself even when things are hard. Even when you seem to be taking one step forward, and two steps sideways, do not falter. Celebrate every tiny act of care, every boundary set, every time you choose self-kindness over self-criticism.

Don’t wait until you “arrive” to be proud of yourself. Loving yourself is not about being perfect. It’s about staying connected to your own humanity.

Tip: Write down three things you did this month that felt brave, kind or healing, even if no one else saw them. Thank your body. Savor the sun on your face. Light a candle just because you made it through the day. You’re not here to be flawless. You’re here to be free.

And when you fall off track – because we all do! – that’s okay. That’s not failure. That’s just life. There will be days when you snap at someone, scroll for hours, or believe you’re not good enough. When that happens, say, “I’m still worthy. I start again.”

In an upcoming blog, I’ll share some of the important benefits of self-love 😊. If you’d like to have something handy to remind you of powerful self-love tenets, here’s free access to a downloadable report I created called The 5 Principles of Self-Love Practice.

Be kind to you. Consistent, patient, imperfect – baby steps.

Replacing “Hurry” with “Inner Calm & Ease”

by Dr. Darcy Lord | Apr 26, 2023 | Avoiding Stress, Health & Wellbeing, Self-Care

I’ve been intentionally offering myself more kindness and listening for my Inner Guidance more. One of the things that happens when I do that is I become aware of habits and patterns that don’t serve me well.

It’s like the Universe says, “Hey, sweetheart… here’s a habit of yours. Do you want to keep it around?”

Here’s one I found that I’m willing to release/transform: I have lived much of my adult life in a consistent state of low-grade hurry – even when I don’t need to be going quickly. Whoa…

I like to be on time when I show up anywhere. Actually, I like to be earlier than “on time.” But it’s been a habit for me to leave for my next thing and/or prepare for my next thing with just the right amount of time to be barely on time.

The problem is that inside my body “barely on time” feels like “almost late” to me. So, while I’m rarely actually late, I still feel hurried/rushed much of the time when I’m going from one thing to another.

My new experiment, then, is to calculate what time I would normally leave (you know, to be barely on time 😊)… and then add 10 minutes to that.
BIG happy difference! I highly recommend it.

Here’s more pieces I noticed.

I took a break in the middle of writing this to go get stuff for lunch, prepare it, and eat. Here’s was I found in that short space of time:

1. I “hurried” off to the store. I could feel it as I was getting ready to go – low-scale hurrying. Which was odd because I wasn’t late for anything!

2. In the kitchen I turned on the water as I was rinsing off a ladle. As I turned to do something else, I kept the water running. I felt myself “hurry” because I was “wasting water.” Uh…? I could have just shut off the water between rinsing.

3. I opened the fridge to get something out and just then Nik (my son) said, “Hey, mom?” I went around the corner to see what he wanted – feeling the need to “hurry” to get back to shut the door. Oh my goodness… I could have just closed the refrigerator door while I talked to him and opened it again when we were done. Weird.

4. But this one is the weirdest! My computer had been unplugged for a while. As I was writing I kept noticing the battery symbol showing less and less charge. I could feel my insides be all tight like I better “hurry.” Ready for this? The cord was on the table right beside me! I could have just plugged it in the first time I noticed the low charge.

Now I know these are just little, dorky things but, wow… it shows my habit of being so often in “hurry mode” even when I don’t need to be. That’s the brain baseline that we’ve talked about!!

I am lovingly allowing myself to shift this baseline. If any of this resonates with you, here is your Self-Love Provocation. I will be doing it with you.

Check in with your body several times a day – while driving, eating, working, talking, relaxing. How are your insides feeling?

No matter what you find, put these beautiful steps into practice:

1. First, imagine you could fill your insides with a feeling of “Calm & Ease.”
On an inhale… draw the feeling of “Calm & Ease” into your beautiful body.
On an exhale… imagine the feeling of “Calm & Ease” softening all around you.

Inhale… “Calm & Ease” in.
Exhale… “Calm & Ease” out around you.

Do three rounds.

2. Second, say softly several times:
“I am willing to release all “hurry” and trust the process of life.”
“I am willing to release all “hurry” and trust the process of life.”
“I am willing to release all “hurry” and trust the process of life.”

You don’t have to try to make anything happen. Just do the two steps several times this week/month and see what happens. Here’s to the feeling of “hurry” giving way to inner “Calm & Ease.” Ahhh…..

How To Let Go So You Can Have What You Really Want

by Dr. Darcy Lord | Mar 28, 2023 | Positive Thinking, Self-Care, Self-Improvement

I remember the day I let go of my dream. I cried really hard. I had been feeling so drained – mentally, emotionally, physically, and even spiritually. I was exhausted from the whole long stressful divorce process, as well as from trying to be a single mom when time and finances were really tight.

But mostly, I felt tired to the core of my being from having something weighing on me – for decades – that I always said I wanted to do… but never did… and still kept prodding myself to do… and continually “angsted” about it because it was something I knew I “should” be doing… but just wouldn’t move forward with it… and so, felt continually disappointed with myself, and sad, and drained because of it all.

Yuk.

My “thing” was about going out on my own as an author and speaker. What’s yours? What’s a thing that weighs on you that you keep not doing?

In a state of me continuously prodding myself to “do it” but feeling tired, sad, and disappointed because I still wasn’t “doing it” – my mom, seeing my sadness and stress said, “Sweetheart, can you just let it go… and let your life already be enough?”

Damn, what a question! I felt a huge wave of sadness (and some fear), like I was about to lose a consistent companion. But I also felt an even bigger (and totally unexpected) wave of relief like, “Oh my god, could it really be okay to let all of the angsting about this go? Could I just let it go?”

I did let it go. It was amazing. And bizarre. The voice that for years had been saying, “Hurry, go get it done! Come on, you need to do it! You’re supposed to do more and be more!” didn’t have a job anymore. Within a short time, the prodding and self-criticism and the angsting about it stopped.

And I could breathe… I know now that it was my caterpillar-to-butterfly cocoon stage, and the Universe was able to do its magic while I was resting emotionally.

After a few years of that respite, my huge happy desire (to do my author/speaker work) came washing back through me! I’ve since been moving forward with more joy, clarity, intention, and empowerment than I ever have before. I own a small business, Programs That Uplift; I have one book completed; I’m working on my second; and I am writing, speaking, training, and coaching as my full-time work.

It was in my letting go that I was able to feel my heart’s desire about what I truly wanted. If it had not been in line with my soul’s highest good, the juicy impulse would not have come back in happy resonance with my heart. The same will be true for you!

What have you been putting off that has been weighing on you? Losing weight? Starting your business? Writing your book? Letting go of a relationship that’s not working? Submitting a poem? Creating a piece of art? Finding a more satisfying job? Starting your blog or YouTube channel? Taking the trip?

Here’s your provocation. I am asking you to let it go. Don’t freak out. Breathe. You have “permission” to let it go and literally stop worrying about it. You don’t ever have to pick it up again. But you can if and when you want to.

But wait… wait until you feel the gift of respite first. Wait until you can feel if it is truly what you want!

Let it go. Kindly… respectfully… perhaps with honor, or sadness, or even reverence. But let it go. And then breathe. Let it go completely for a day… or week… or month(s)… or years. Or let it go forever if it is not something you really want. I promise that if it is something beneficial and beautiful for you… you can’t harm or silence the impulse by letting it go. But you can rest the impulse so that it grows and becomes stronger, clearer, more focused, and more inspiring again.

Let yourself rest… until it is time. And when it is time – then soar. Go beyond what you have been doing. But do it while listening to the Universe as it will guide you, and do it while choosing to love yourself through the whole process.

If you’d like some more practice with loving yourself, please join me April 4th at 7pm EST for my online program “Self-Love as Spiritual Practice.” It’s free and open to anyone: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/self-love-as-spiritual-practice-tickets-494628094947

Go At A Pace That Makes You Feel Good

by Dr. Darcy Lord | Feb 27, 2023 | Positive Thinking, Self-Care, Self-Improvement

More than thirty-five years ago when I first read Louise Hay’s book, You Can Heal Your Life, I remember the feeling that washed over me when I read her guidance, “wear clothes that make you feel good; eat foods that make you feel good; be around people who make you feel good; go at a pace that makes you feel good.”

Whoa… “Go at a pace that makes you feel good.” Isn’t that a beautiful idea? That’s your provocation for the month! Mine too.

At the end of December, I left my job to run my speaking, training, coaching business (Programs That Uplift) full-time 😊. Then, after the Universe had been giving Chris (my significant other), consistent but gentle nudges… then bigger and louder “pushes,” he left his job of 22 years (right before the company “did away with” the rest of the entire mental health case management arm of the company!).

We both feel really grateful for the gifts we received from our previous jobs, but even more so for the gift of our new paths! And both of us have been talking about how happy we are to be able set our own time for doing things. Ahhh… the gift of time affluence!

But…

Instead of feeling rich with time, we have both become wildly aware of our habit of “hurrying.” Even when we don’t need to!

So, we made a little pact to remind each other throughout the day that we’re allowed to relax and go at a pace that makes us feel good. And my big aha has been that whether we have a job, or a family, or business obligations, or any of the other zillion things we all have to do… it’s a myth to think, “When such and such is done (my job, raising my children, caring for aging parents, completing a business project, etc.) THEN I can go at a pace that makes me feel good.”

It’s a myth because 1. We don’t have to wait until something is completed in order to CHOOSE to go at a pace that makes us feel good. And 2. Often even when we DO complete something or DO have extra time, we still don’t choose to go at a pace that makes us feel good. (Wouldn’t it be great if no one could relate to this?)

Want to shift that? What are you doing today? Decide right now – even just for the next few minutes – to go at a pace that makes you feel good. For me, that usually means to slow down and take a breath. How about for you?

Hurrying never makes me go faster anyway. It just tightens me up and causes me to make mistakes and fogs my thinking and makes my actions less graceful, less effective, less creative, and less satisfying. And mostly… hurrying takes me out of alignment with my powerful, loving, wise Universal/spiritual connection.

So, your self-love practice this month is to go at a pace that makes you feel good even if you’re sure you don’t have enough time to do that. I’ll be joining you. And little by little we can shift our habits into actions that are powerfully healing, loving, and kind to us. (That’s when we can more easily spread our good out into the world anyway. I love how the Universe works like that!)

If you’d like some more practice with being kind to you, join me March 7^th at 7pm EST for my online program “Self-Love as Spiritual Practice.” It’s free and open to anyone: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/self-love-as-spiritual-practice-tickets-494627422937

How Food Feels

by Dr. Darcy Lord | May 7, 2019 | Health & Wellbeing, Self-Care, Self-Improvement

There are so many foods we are supposed to stay away from, or at least limit, according to experts in the industry. Depending on which dietitian, nutritionist, physician, book, or PBS special you are currently in alignment with, here are some of the possible things to steer clear from: fats, red meat, all meat, carbs, anything not organic, anything not locally grown, all processed foods, MSG, hydrogenated oils, dairy, salty snacks, sugary snacks, alcohol, corn syrup, any grain that is not a whole grain, white anything (flour, rice, bread, sugar, pasta), preservatives and on and on. But I have an idea.

While there is a good possibility that many of the different eating guidelines have merit, before you pick which foods to embrace and which to throw away, do something really awesome. Instead of basing your decision on logical arguments from all the external authorities, decide first how foods feel—to you. Here’s your provocation. This week intend to be fully present and mindful of you and your food before, during, and after you eat. How does your food look? Does your whole body want it or simply your taste buds? How does it smell? Is your body asking for something different instead? Can you really taste the food or are you rushing through it? Then, and this is the important part—10 to 20 minutes after you have eaten, simply notice how you feel physically, mentally, and emotionally. Are you sluggish or energized? Do you have any aches? Are you mentally clear or foggy? Do you feel “deadened” and numb or frisky and alive? Don’t make it a judgmental, criticism thing, just notice how you are doing. You may uncover something that can be really helpful.

Here is what I’ve found. Generally food serves me well, unless I use it for stress-reduction or relief, then not so much. Sometimes I eat sugary food because I consciously choose to have a bit of the yummy taste. Other times I crave it and it feels not so much a conscious choice, but rather like I “need” it. Most often those times are: when I feel sleepy or drained around 3-4pm with an afternoon lull; when I feel nervous, anxious, mad, or even excited about something; when I am tired from not getting enough quality sleep; when I am low on water but don’t realize I am thirsty. When I eat something sweet at those times, it tastes good on my tongue as I eat it. It also feels like it brings me some sort of relief. Then shortly afterward I usually feel more tired, drained, sluggish, and sometimes even mean. No fun really, but it is actually cool to know—because that awareness creates my point of power to be able to choose differently if and when I want to.

Our bodies rock! Your body rocks! Notice it this week. You have the opportunity to take lavish, loving care of it. Not because you “should.” Not because you need to “guilt yourself” into it. But quite simply, because you deserve to feel good. Whether or not anyone ever told you that, it’s true. You deserve to feel good. And noticing how foods feel from inside you is an amazing and powerful way to put that knowing into practice.