When you talk about the big areas of your life, what do you say? In terms of your health, money, relationships, personal/spiritual growth, time, work and play what are the stories you tell about them? They don’t feel like “stories.” We experience them as facts. So asked another way, what are the facts you know to be true in regard to those big life areas?

Some of my storylines or facts feel good, life affirming and uplifting. In other areas my stories, that is to say my description of “how things are,” are more limiting and don’t feel so good.

That wouldn’t be all that interesting except for this. Notice that what you say about those areas and what you experience in those areas match really closely. The stories I think, believe and tell about my life match beautifully with how I experience my life—whether the stories are positive or negative. Whether my stories say, “Relationships are hard” or “My relationships rock,” “My body heals quickly” or “High blood pressure runs in my family,” “There’s not enough money to go around” or “Money has always been pretty easy to come by,” I always end up “right.” Meaning, how I describe things is generally the way they continue to show up. The normal argument or logic says, “Well of course that’s my story. Things happened in my life to then make me believe that’s the way things are.” But I think that’s backwards. I think we pick up thoughts, beliefs and habits of action (i.e. our “stories”) from lots of places including our parents, teachers and coaches, church, the news, friends, even You Tube, and then keep those ideas and expectations in motion creating more of what we are used to seeing. It’s an unconscious cycle that most of us don’t even know we are participating in.

I’m not saying that our experiences aren’t factual or real. Clearly they are. I just think that they are way more pliable than we realize. And one of the most powerful ways to change our experience is to change the story first. Easier said than done, but wildly important nonetheless. Here is your provocation for the week. Look honestly at the big areas: health, wealth, relationships, work/self-expression, time, personal/spiritual growth. Then go through your personal stories about each of them. Notice how clearly what you believe (i.e. your “story”) and what you experience match. Now take one specific thing that you would like to experience more positively (for example your relationship with your child, spouse, or parent, your work-life balance, how you pay your bills, what you eat, how you sleep, etc.) and begin to create a new story. The easiest way I have found to create a new, more beneficial story is to first stop telling the life-crunching one. No more complaining about it…to anyone.

Next, begin to tweak your facts, truths and beliefs with a sincere attempt to see it the way you want it. Was there even one time that s/he didn’t disappoint you? Is there even a small part of you that feels healthy or good today? Did you have the money any time this week to buy food and gas even if the prices are high? When you find even a tiny part of the story that matches the way you want it to be—hang on to it! Keep looking at it and keep telling that part of the story, to yourself and even to others. Pretend it’s true that the stories you tell will out-picture (or begin to show up) in your real experiences. Choose to tell a new life-affirming story. Be aware of how you feel as you do, and then see what begins to manifest in your experiences. We are powerful beings—in a really, really good way!

I like listening to the CDs from Success Magazine. They are always full of really great stuff. I listened to one with a gentleman named Tony Schwartz as he was talking about the importance of being valued—of feeling valued. He said that feeling valued was as important to our emotional energy as sleep, nutrition and exercise are to our physical energy. Wow. I believe it.

Most of us already know we need to sleep, eat and move in order to be at our best. We may not always do it, but we know it. I don’t think the same is true, however, for feeling valued. Imagine what would happen if we got told over and over since we were kids, on the news, at school, from our parents, teachers, through health education, etc. that in order to feel and be at our best we needed to feel valued, loved and appreciated. Imagine if we had always been told that we were inherently good and deserved to be valued. I bet we would take it more seriously and not think it was too soft and “girly” to care about. And I think we would do things differently because we would really understand that being valued not only feels great, but it also lowers our stress levels, increases our energy and adds to our well-being.

But what I really think would happen—what I would want to have happen—is this. We would begin to realize, just like with diet and exercise, that being valued is our own job; that we must be the ones to make the changes. I love when people value, love and appreciate me and what I do! And I love when they let me know it. It feels great when that happens! But do you notice that some days you just aren’t surrounded by family, friends, co-workers, teachers, supervisors, audiences, etc. who take the time, energy and initiative to tell you how much they value you? It may sound a bit dramatic, but I think it verges on abusive to base our personal value only on what others say about us. If we always wait for others’ positive reactions in order to feel valued, we simply will not be able to feel our true value in any lasting, meaningful way.

Here is your provocation for the week. On days when you aren’t surrounded by people who tell you how much they value you, or on days when they do but you still can’t feel it—then it’s your job to create that feeling from within. One of the most magical, graceful and powerful ways to feel valued, loved and appreciated is to begin to consciously, intentionally and willingly take your energy to value, love and appreciate others. Almost nothing compares with the radiant inner joy and strength I feel when I take moments—on purpose—to dwell on what I love and appreciate about people, things and situations in my world. It is as simple and profound as this: I feel my own sense of inner value grow when I take time to consciously appreciate and feel the value of others. It really is a win-win situation. This week when you notice that you have low energy or when you aren’t feeling as loved or valued as you would want, find someone or something to value. Send them appreciation on purpose. Radiate out to them a feeling of how much you value them. Focus on what you love about them. And feel how your own inner awareness of being strong, competent and valued increases.

Do you want to know something else really beautiful? The more you do that for yourself first, the more you will be surrounded by people who can feel your value, and often tell you about it. How cool!

I was thinking about forgiveness. Whether we practice it or not, most of us have heard of the importance and benefits of forgiving people. It’s not about liking or condoning negative, abusive or unhealthy behavior; it’s simply about forgiving the person because it doesn’t serve us (or anyone) to hold onto the hurt and judgment. Most counseling practices, spiritual traditions, universal philosophies, and personal growth processes eventually lead us back to the art of forgiving. But sometimes I think we go about it backwards.

We always get taught to forgive other people. But I think the first person we have to learn how to forgive is ourselves. And I think that is even harder to do. Have you ever tried to forgive someone, or be kind, compassionate or nurturing when you are really annoyed or irritated with yourself? I can’t decide if it’s more sad or comical.

For me it’s as clear as this. When I am being hard on myself, I am harder on everyone else too—even if I pretty it up with politeness. When I don’t let myself off the hook first, I am not able to let you off the hook either. However, when I decide to remember that I am good, in spite of my mess-ups, when I intend to do better next time, and when I work on forgiving myself and then making amends where needed, then beautiful things can happen.

So here is your provocation for the week. First, think of some things you have been disappointed in yourself about, or have not forgiven yourself for, or wish you had done (or would do) differently.

Here are three of mine:

1. When I am impatient with Nikolas (my son)
2. When I procrastinate on my lifework projects
3. When I eat more sugar than feels right/good/healthy for my body

Second, take those things and remember at least three times when you have done them differently and in a way that felt good, loving, healthy or “right” for everyone involved. With my examples I could ask myself:

1. Have there been three specific times when I had infinite patience with Nikolas? (Oh yes!)
2. Are there three times when I have moved wonderfully on my writing and speaking projects? (Definitely!)
3. Have there been three times when I have treated my body in a way that makes me feel strong, healthy and proud of me? (Of course!)

As you do this exercise sense any gentleness or softening that begins to move through. Just breathe with that awareness and be willing to treat yourself kindly. Decide to remember all the ways and times that you have done well, and then choose consciously to let yourself off the hook for anything that has needed your love, compassion, understanding and forgiveness. It’s after we engage in our own gentle forgiveness that we can then extend that feeling to others in an authentic way, whether through making amends (if we perceive we have done something “wrong”) or offering forgiveness (if we perceive they have done something “wrong”).

It’s interesting (and beautiful), when I have used a mean or condescending voice with Nikolas and I say “I’m really sorry,” he normally looks right at me and says, “That’s okay.” And I know he means it because I can feel it. I think he can mean it because he still feels good about himself. Which perhaps is why he can also say “I’m sorry” so easily. The next time you do something that you know was not your highest choice, imagine saying, “I wish I wouldn’t have done it that way. I’m sorry.” And then imagine the highest, most intelligent and most loving part of you saying and truthfully meaning, “That’s okay.” What powerful and transforming moments can happen when we are willing to step into the difficult art of self-forgiveness.

I wonder what would happen if we all created a personal mission statement for our lives. And then chose to remember it throughout the day even at work or with the kids. I wonder if we would feel as frantic, stressed, worried or bored? I wonder if we would still move through the days on autopilot as so many of us often do? What would your mission statement be about?

Being the best parent you could be? Standing up for yourself and what you know to be good, true and “right,” even when others stand against you? Living each day loving people unconditionally? Helping people or animals? Using your creativity, skills and talents to make the world a better place? Being at peace in every moment? Fulfilling your universal commitments? Living in spiritual oneness? Making a positive difference to people around you? Being an important role model by taking good care of yourself? Choosing kindness over being right? Deciding to always see the good and infinite possibilities in people even when they are not showing that to you? Living your highest vision?

I may not be finished with mine yet but it is definitely about living in such a way that people around me feel uplifted and empowered. It is about walking around on this planet as the highest version of me that I can. It is about helping people remember that we are good—no matter what other messages we may have heard. It is about reminding myself and everyone else that life is good and is always FOR us. And it is about choosing to see what is good, what is working and what is loving, even when lots of other people have decided that nothing good is happening.

What might happen if we all turned our attention toward what calls to us from within—toward what really matters? That is what I think a personal mission statement helps us do. It is about taking what truly matters to your heart, and putting it into a powerful statement of how you want to live, and move, and have your being. I do wonder what would happen. I think we would change the planet. I think we would heal it and ourselves in a million different, beautiful ways.

And that is your provocation for this week. Decide what is really important to you—and then write out your own personal mission statement. Here is a current working version of mine: I am committed to experiencing my own joy and divine alignment enough to help uplift the consciousness of the planet as a best-selling author and speaker continually calling people back to their own Highest Good. It feels awesome each time I focus on that. And there is a good chance you will feel wonderful simply by having worked on yours too