My Story

My Story

by | Dec 20, 2022 | Health & Wellbeing, Positive Thinking, Self-Improvement

My mom says I popped out joyful! She battled alcoholism and chronic relapses for years, but because she always worked to be sober (which she has now been 10+ years 😊), she went to a lot of counselors, and she also took my 3 older sisters and I with her to countless Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. I loved the positive community and the spiritual connection I felt when there. Between those AA meetings and listening to mom share about things she learned in therapy, I became a great lover of inner healing work!

So, the Universe drew more of those things into my experience…

In 3rd grade, I got to be in a school “support group” that I loved! I figured I was included because someone “found out” my mom was an alcoholic, but at the end of the group one of the counselors said I was picked because I seemed happy in my own skin and helped others feel at ease.

Living near Ohio State University, researchers sometimes came to elementary schools and used students as study participants. (How cool is that!) In one study, our whole class was instructed to write the letters “I-A-L-A-C” on pieces of thick construction paper, then we tied on pieces of yarn and wore these “IALAC signs” around our necks. IALAC stood for “I am lovable and capable” and we learned that the words we use toward ourselves and others could either be “cold pricklies” tearing us down, or “warm fuzzies” lifting us up. 😊

Later, my mom introduced me to Louise Hay’s book, You Can Heal Your Life. I totally fell in love with Louise and her teachings, along with Dr. Wayne Dyer’s work as well. Louise taught all about affirmations and self-love, and Wayne focused on spiritual growth and manifesting a life you love!

These things resonated with me perfectly as I pursued psychology as an undergrad, and later went for a counseling degree. Then I was blessed to find a Ph.D. program at Ohio State called Somatic Education, which focused on the mind-body-spirit connection. (If interested, Positive Psychology is a prominent field of study now, and it’s a way more direct route to this “stuff.”)

As I was nearing graduation and planning to go out into the world to teach self-love and personal/spiritual growth, the 9/11 terrorist attacks happened in 2001 and changed my path for a while. Ugh, here’s what happened…

At a weekly yoga class during the time of the attacks, the instructor always asked if anyone wanted to put anything into the center of our circle – with the intention to heal, love, or uplift.

After the terrorist attacks I could feel a powerful awareness that if everyone, everywhere, was able to truly love themselves, feel the preciousness of their own being, and listen to their own inner guidance – then tragedies like big acts of violence, and harm, and hurtfulness – couldn’t happen like that. So, at the end of a class just a few weeks after the attacks I said, “Let’s all of us put love and light around Osama Bin Laden” (who was, of course, the head ‘bad guy) “so that maybe we can help him uplift his vibration to love and light.”

O…M…G…!

I have never before or since then been SO embarrassed and uncomfortable and felt shame like that, just wanting desperately to hide under a rock… from the anger and gigantic disapproval and hostility that I got back from everyone in the yoga class. Yuk… it really was an awful experience for me.

And so, I went out into the world and presented something way less risky: stress reduction. Research-based so no one could “make fun of me” or “argue about its validity” or “disapprove of me.” (Or at least I didn’t take it quite so personally when they did 😊)

But have you noticed that the Universe will only let you “play it safe” for so long? 

Over the past few years as I’ve written more consistently, worked with a Mastermind group, used talented coaches and mentors, and worked more on my own self-love, my inner guidance has gotten stronger and clearer. Here’s what I now know: It’s not my job to get everyone’s approval. Instead, it IS my job and my time to do what I’m supposed to do on the planet. 

So after 14 years, I’m leaving my “regular” job on December 30th, to expand my author, speaker, trainer, coaching business, because I know that my divinely appointed “job” – my gift – is empowering people to love themselves and live their higher purpose. 

And part of that was letting you hear my story. So thank you!

Here’s your provocation as we move into a new year: Ask yourself any or all of the following questions:
“What is the Universe calling you to do?
“What are you on the planet to do – really?”
“What brings you joy?”
“What are your true gifts that you are being called to use?”

For right now, the sheer act of asking those beautiful (terrifying 😊) uplifting questions is enough. Just ask and breathe.

Merry Christmas and the Happiest of Holidays to you and your loved ones!

(We’re all being called higher – can you feel it?)

White Horse Story of Life

White Horse Story of Life

by | Nov 30, 2022 | Health & Wellbeing, Positive Thinking, Self-Improvement

Have you ever heard the White Horse Story? It’s a metaphor for life, and in a nutshell, it goes like this:

A farmer and his son lived alone because the wife/mom had died. (How awful…)

One day a beautiful white horse showed up at the farm and the farmer and son got to keep it. (How great!)

As the son was riding the white horse he fell off and broke his leg. (How awful…)

It was a time of war for the village where the son and farmer lived and the military needed all the young men to come and fight; but because the son had broken his leg and could not go, the farmer did not lose his son to war. (How great!)

When all the young men got back from the war, they were given great riches which they shared with their families. But the farmer, whose son did not participate because of the broken leg, got nothing. (How awful…) 

And on and on it goes. Hmmm… see a pattern? I don’t remember when I first heard that story, but I still remember the awesome metaphor for life that it is. Life just keeps going. It’s a continuous cycle of experiences – some we label “good” and some “bad.” It seems, however, that sometimes the label is more accurately pronounced weeks, months, or even years later.

Here’s what I mean. Don’t you remember that there have been things that happened to you that at the moment really sucked (relationship breakup, getting laid off, illness of you or a loved one, you didn’t make the team or get the promotion, a car accident, a money mess up, true loss, or any of the other seemingly endless times that a situation didn’t turn out the way you wanted it to)… but that later turned out beautifully (beyond what you thought possible) or became an important part of your heart’s or soul’s growth?

I think we can’t afford to miss that possibility – the possibility that the “bad” things that happen – although they definitely do suck in the moment (let’s never pretend they don’t!) – can and do often turn out to assist in uplifting/helping/healing us in some way.

So, here’s a beautiful way to move through the White Horse Story that is life. It’s also your provocation for the month! When something “good” happens to you (because it often will!) be there with it…fully, deliciously basking in every precious moment of its goodness of it! And if something “bad” happens to you (because it sometimes will!) be kind to yourself in the moment, hold yourself gently and patiently as you allow the yucky/sucky feeling to move through, and then… even if the “bad” feels like it’s too present or too big to ever not be there, remember the White Horse Story of Life knowing “this too shall pass.”

And maybe… just maybe… some great good for your life will grow from it!

If we remember that possibility we’ll all get through the sucky “How awful…” times more gracefully and more quickly. The Universe is kind of magic that way.
Please join me for my free monthly online program: Self-Love is the Path 1st Tuesdays each month 7 pm EST. Register HERE for Tuesday, Dec 6.

Are They Safe on the Pathways of Your Mind

Are They Safe on the Pathways of Your Mind

by | Oct 23, 2022 | Health & Wellbeing, Positive Thinking

The below provocation is an excerpt from my book 52 Weeks of Relief: Uplifting Provocations for Stress Reduction and Self-Care.

Years ago I heard a Unity minister, Phillip Pearson, ask the question, “Are people safe on the pathways of your mind?” Wow. What an important question. Particularly because I believe that what we are thinking, and therefore what we are holding in our hearts, is at least as important as our words and actions. Actually, I think that our thoughts in some ways are more important because they eventually lead to our words and actions.

I know someone who is sick a lot. She has been that way her whole life. How can I keep her safe on the pathways of my mind? By having compassion for her experiences of sickness and also by seeing her well, strong, and capable as consistently as she sees herself sick.

I have a friend who feels overwhelmed and scared about her life circumstances right now. The circumstances are very real. How can I keep her safe on the pathways of my mind? I could be soft and really listen to her feelings, yet at the same time I could know her strength and ability to make changes even more firmly than she fears she cannot.

A minister I know is sad and disappointed because of what is happening with the finances in his church. What can I best do for him? To keep him safe on the pathways of my mind I can be present and compassionate with his challenge, and hold thoughts and visions of greater prosperity and well-being for everyone concerned.

Actively engaging both sides—being present with compassion AND holding a higher vision of strength—is a beautiful answer to, “How do I keep people safe on the pathways of my mind?”

It’s not always easy to do both. However, if I don’t attempt both I will never live up to the vision of myself that I most want—me living as a beneficial and uplifting presence. This is why. If I only dive into the “realness” of their “bad” situation, then it becomes a negative swirling vortex taking everyone further down.

It helps solidify the difficulty of the situation. I can feel when conversations are going in that direction because the loving softness of compassion turns instead into a heavy, sticky negativity. Do you ever have those conversations? On the other hand, if I am only holding strong thoughts and visions of more well-being, without first being truly present with the pain someone is feeling, then I often shut my heart down and seem cold and distant.

The same question is so very important for you to ask yourself also. Am I safe on the pathways of my mind? Am I willing to be present and compassionate with my own challenges and difficulties—without being judgmental or critical—and at the same time trust in my own goodness and strength to make changes?

This is your provocation: to keep people everywhere, yourself included, safe on the pathways of your mind this week. Be soft and compassionate and be powerful and strong. It is a tall order, but worthy of your attention. At least it is for me. Join me!

Coherence

Coherence

by | Jun 4, 2019 | Avoiding Stress, Health & Wellbeing, Positive Thinking

I want to talk about Coherence and how it’s actually possible to “spread” that wonderful high quality state. Coherence is a scientific term that refers to when the heart, mind, emotions and body are all working in sync. It’s an actual physiological state when the major systems of the body are working together and we experience an inner state of ease, calm and composure; mental and emotional flexibility and balance; the ability to self-regulate and “take charge” of ourselves, maintaining composure (even in the midst of stressful circumstances); and we have a smooth and rhythmic heart pattern that looks like a sine wave or rolling hill. Oh yeah, and it feels really good too.

 

Order, balance, poise, inner calm and composure… Anyone besides me wanting to experience a little more of that right now?

 

There is a simple HeartMath technique that we can use to get there (and I’ll share it at the end) – but the really cool thing is some new research that shows how we can actually spread Coherence to others. Participants in a study were organized into 10 groups, with four people in each group. Each group of four was seated around a table, each wearing a heart rhythm monitor to measure heart rate and Coherence levels. Two weeks earlier, three of the four participants in each group had been taught how to shift into a Coherent state. The three people who had been taught how to get Coherent were instructed to shift in and out of Coherence at specific times. The fourth person had no knowledge of what the other three were doing.

 

Get this! When the three participants shifted into Coherence – the fourth person also became more Coherent even though they didn’t know what was going on! So when we get ourselves into a more balanced and composed state (or peaceful, or loving, or calm, or appreciative, etc.), we literally can help shift other people into that state as well! How awesome! Have you ever been around someone and notice you feel a bit better just from having been in there presence? Let’s all learn to be one of those people – because we can!

 

Here we go. It’s this easy to get Coherent.

 

Here is HeartMath’s Quick Coherence Technique:

 

1. Focus your attention in the area of the heart. Imagine your breath is flowing in and out of your heart or chest area, breathing a little slower and deeper than usual.

 

2. Make a sincere attempt to experience a regenerative feeling such as appreciation or care for someone or something in your life. (Try to re-experience the feeling you have for someone you love, a pet, a fun or positive time in your life, a special place, an accomplishment; or focus on a feeling of calm or ease.)

 

So your provocation this week is to get Coherent and then intend to “spread” it by purposefully being Coherent around others. I bet we’ll all find conversations this week that could use some inner composure, ease and calm.

The Grandest Version of Ourselves

The Grandest Version of Ourselves

by | May 21, 2019 | Avoiding Stress, Health & Wellbeing, Positive Thinking

What if I were so filled up with my own passion, purpose and genuine power that I didn’t have time or interest in criticizing you or anyone else? What if the love and appreciation that I had flowing through me right now were so big and so constant that I could view everything and everyone with eyes of compassion, possibility and wonder? What if I were so busy finding ways I could uplift that I forgot to rail against groups and organizations behaving badly?

 

What if I decided to walk my own path so clearly and boldly that I knew everyone else could do it too? What if I practiced trusting that still small voice within so much that I felt the divine presence of well-being even while things seemed so fast and chaotic? And what if you did it too?

 

I think we can do it. I think it’s actually possible. But somehow we learned to wait. Wait until we are more ready; wait until others tell us we are good enough; wait until people are nicer and the world is more ethical; wait until we graduate, get a different job, get married, get the house, retire, elect the right government officials. Mostly I think we are waiting around for everyone else to do it too. Or just someone. Anyone. To do what? To focus on being the grandest version of themselves that is possible in this very moment.

 

What do you think it would look like if a few of us started doing that right now? If we started being the grandest version of ourselves that we know to be? Right now with the imperfect, messy work situations, relationships, finances and bodies that we have in this moment? Right now in the stressed out, relief seeking culture we live in? Right now when we don’t have time to do anything more? I want us to choose to do just that, to live the grandest version of ourselves that we can. Because I think amazing things will happen when we do. And we will laugh and love more. And we will start a ripple effect of good that can help heal the planet. And we will surprise ourselves with our own inner goodness and beauty.

 

If it feels too big and vague to say, “I’m going to start being the grandest version of myself that I can be,” then here is a wonderful way to put it into motion. This is your provocation for the week. Choose a quality or essence that resonates with the grandest version of you that you can imagine. It might be love, strength, laughter, gentleness, discipline, patience, compassion, appreciation, persistence, joyfulness, honor, etc. There are so many so just choose one that seems to be calling to you right now. Intend to embody that quality so fully that you experience it all week—within your thoughts, your feelings, your heart and your actions. Each time you find yourself feeling tired, squished up, frustrated, drained or “out of sorts” imagine this quality flooding through your entire being. Feel the essence of your grandest version as it begins to flow through your daily experiences.

 

The reason I know it’s possible to begin living as our grandest selves is that I have experienced people practicing it. I have watched some of them, read their work, run into them at the store, listened to their music and been inspired by their words or actions. I have been assisted by them and blessed by them in countless beautiful ways. And I believe with all of my heart that their ranks are growing. So this week be on the lookout for those who are practicing their grandest version; feel for them; hope to see them; expect to find them. And more importantly, let’s choose in this moment to join them, to be them. Ah, the power of returning to our grandest version!

Trying Less

Trying Less

by | Apr 23, 2019 | Avoiding Stress, Health & Wellbeing, Positive Thinking

I think we try too much. Too hard, too often, too much. We even try to relax. The word “trying” conjures up a certain picture for me which feels very different from things like ease, strength, simplicity, clarity, power and focus. Do you ever notice that sometimes “trying” can feel like heavy, endless effort…because if you are still trying to do something then you obviously haven’t succeeded?

 

I want us all to try less. And live more. And breathe more.

 

I think kids and animals do this really well. Instead of “trying” they are eitherdoingsomething—with commitment, passion, intensity and often humor, or they arenotdoing—such as basking in a sunny afternoon nap, or sleeping peacefully through the night. Either way, they are doing what they are doing­ – fully.

 

When I say I want us to try less it can sound like I am promoting non-productive, “lazy” or irresponsible behaviors. The opposite is true really. One of my favorite things is knowing with certainty that every one of us, no matter our age or experience, is continually being called to live a life of great purpose, and that when we do we make beautiful, positive changes for our world. For that to happen we have to have our physical, emotional and spiritual “tanks” full. We need to feel a sense of buoyancy and resiliency; we need to have our inner convictions primed and ready for action and non-action.

 

But when we are always “trying” so hard, with almost everything in our life, it can squish us up until we feel exhausted on every level. When that happens we don’t have access to what we really need for action: passion, strength and intensity; nor do we have access to what allows for true non-action: peace, stillness, clarity. And of course, it is both sides that we need in order to live radiantly, truly as our highest and best. We need the power and strength of fully doing and the relaxation and ease of fully notdoing. “Trying” puts us right in the middle where we don’t have access to either side: the effort needed for meaningful action or the enjoyment of surrender and respite.

 

This week your provocation is the “Art of Trying Less.” Try less to get the entire To-Do List finished; try less to be all things to all people; try less to do too much with too little time and energy; try less to cover your own greatness in order for others to be more comfortable around you. When you feel yourself using an effort that is draining you instead of empowering you, stop for a moment. Imagine that you can breathe slowly in and out through your heart. Do it until any feeling of “trying,” of tightness, stagnancy, pressure, littleness, or tiredness begins to melt away. Then decide from the truest part of you if it is time for full, committed, decisive effort and action; or if it is time for true, happy basking, release and respite. Choose one side or the other. Choose simply. Choose without guilt. Choose other than “trying.” I think it was Yoda on Stars Wars who said, “Try? There is no try. You either do or you don’t do.”

 

And as you choose this week keep remembering how beautiful and good you and your life are, no matter your current circumstances.