Do you ever do this? Do you ever decide if you’re “allowed” to feel tired or yucky based on if your brain can come up with a “reason” you “should” feel yucky? Or give yourself a hard time, or at least feel annoyed, if you feel crappy when there’s “no reason” to feel crappy?

I caught myself doing that yesterday morning and as I was telling a friend about it, I noticed that my brain (and its inner committee 😊) likes to divide things into three distinct pods based on how I’m feeling and the circumstances for each:

1. I wake up and feel good – (Brain’s interpretation: “Yay, that feels good, so all is well!”)
2. I wake up and feel yucky – but I can come up with a reason why I feel yucky like I went to bed way too late, or I’m nervous about something, or I worked out too hard, or sat at my computer all day with no exercise, or I’ve been running around like a freak too many days in a row, or I ate stuff that made me feel puffy or bloated or heavy, or I’m detoxing physically or spiritually healing/changing old patterns, or I can feel a cold coming on, etc. etc. (Brain’s interpretation: “Well, I don’t like feeling like this, but I understand it, so all is still okay.”)
3. I wake up and feel yucky – but I have “no reason” to feel yucky because I ate things that made my body happy, and I worked out just the right amount for me, and I’m not procrastinating on anything, and all is well with my humans, and there’s nothing specific worrying me, etc. etc. (Brain’s interpretation: “What?? I don’t like this at all. It makes no sense! Why are you feeling funky when nothing’s wrong? Come on, mush doggy! I don’t understand this; it’s not okay!”)

Yeah, I know – pretty hilarious. So yesterday morning, I noticed all three: I felt physically tired and crunched up; I felt annoyed because I hate that feeling; AND I couldn’t find a good reason for why.

And then a simple insight (and gift) popped in: Darcy, you can push against the yucky feeling. Really…if you need to do that it’s okay. And later your energized “I feel good” will come back anyway. Or… you could choose to not push against it as you wait for your “I feel good” to come back. You can be as slow and gentle and kind and undisturbed with it as you are with Chris, Nik, mom, or any other human when they are feeling tired or “off.”

Wow… cool. In that moment I got it that I could say to my beautiful brain, “Hey, thanks for trying to keep me safe by always trying to figure things out. But I don’t need you to do that right now. I promise all is well.” This time around I picked that choice… and it was awesome. I felt my whole “I’m on guard! Wait… what’s wrong?!” thing totally soften and chill out and actually leave. I still felt physically tired and slow for the moment. But along with that I just felt easy. How cool is that?

So, here’s your provocation (and gift): the next time you find yourself mentally, emotionally, physically, or spiritually “off” even if there’s no good reason to feel that way… stand metaphorically tall and strong, and say kindly but firmly to your beautiful brain and chatty inner committee, “Hey, thank you – but I got this. All is well. You can stand down. We’re just going to go with the flow, roll with it, allow whatever is going on. Because I promise that soon enough, like all things, this too will pass.”

Because I promise…  like all things, this too will pass. And it turns out that when we treat ourselves kindly by allowing it – things pass more gracefully and quickly too 😊.

Take kind, loving care of yourself today and this month. And sign up here for next month’s “Self-Love is the Path” class. It’s free, online, and open to everyone! It’s Tuesday, Sept. 6^th 7pm EST (after a nice long Labor Day weekend for many of us!) and I would love to have you join me!

Does this ever happen to you? I woke up with a total food hangover. The night before, Chris and I ate at a restaurant commonly accused of using monosodium glutamate (MSG) in lots of their foods. Granted, MSG makes my food taste totally wonderful and salty and just the right spiciness. But… it also keeps me awake for hours, makes my sleep light and weird when I finally do fall asleep, and makes me really puffy in the morning. (Nice!)

Then when we got home (already late) Chris made us each a brownie hot fudge sundae which I decided to eat Mindfully, fully basking in and enjoying every insanely delicious bite. Until the end… when my belly wanted to be done, but my mouth wanted more. So I stopped being Mindful and I ate the last of it anyway.

Thus, along with my MSG puffiness and fatigue from crappy sleep, I also felt like I had a big heavy brick in my belly.

But what accompanies those physical sensations is always worse: regret for having made those choices. Sad, quiet, mostly under the radar subtle feelings of disappointment and regret and sadness and self-flogging. The visual is me getting a tired, disappointed, disapproving look on my face and subtly shaking my head in a way that says, “Why would you do that again? I’m so sick of trying with you.” Yuk.

I’m writing a book on Self-Love. An important principle that I keep coming back to is that our whole day (our whole world, actually) will go significantly better if we start each day by doing 2 things before we take any other action steps: first, do something, anything that is simply kind to you (i.e. a Self-Love practice); second, check in for any Inner Guidance that you can hear or feel.

As I started reaching for my computer to write this Self-Care Provocation – with tired puffy eyes and full heavy belly and regret for having done it to myself – I remembered that important principle and decided to follow it. I thought through a few of the Self-Love practices I’ve been writing about, and I decided on the Hawaiian prayer/mantra meditation: Ho’oponopono. It’s a 4-sentence prayer/mantra that you repeat over and over until you feel complete.

I know by body loves touch so, rubbing my hands across my belly, I said the Ho’oponopono phrases over and over. Slowly…as if really talking to my belly,

Over and over, gently rubbing my belly (like I used to do all the time so lovingly when Nikolas was in there growing 😊). “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.” Oh my goodness… how amazing and miraculous to feel the regret and disapproval and disappointment melt into soft, loving, self-compassion for me and my beautiful belly and body. Even though the full heavy feeling was still there! Wow…beautiful.

And then I put my computer down and pulled out my journal, because for me that’s one of the easiest ways I can hear my Inner Guidance. And when I did that, it became obvious that this was the topic I wanted to write about today. Cool.

You deserve to be kind to you no matter your choices. If and when you feel disapproval or regret or disappointment or madness or sadness for ANY choice you make today… be kind to you by saying the Ho’oponopono phrases, over and over. “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.” And see if anything shifts.

With great love,

Does this ever happen to you? I woke up with a total food hangover. The night before, Chris and I ate at a restaurant commonly accused of using monosodium glutamate (MSG) in lots of their foods. Granted, MSG makes my food taste totally wonderful and salty and just the right spiciness. But… it also keeps me awake for hours, makes my sleep light and weird when I finally do fall asleep, and makes me really puffy in the morning. (Nice!)

Then when we got home (already late) Chris made us each a brownie hot fudge sundae which I decided to eat Mindfully, fully basking in and enjoying every insanely delicious bite. Until the end… when my belly wanted to be done, but my mouth wanted more. So I stopped being Mindful and I ate the last of it anyway.

Thus, along with my MSG puffiness and fatigue from crappy sleep, I also felt like I had a big heavy brick in my belly.

But what accompanies those physical sensations is always worse: regret for having made those choices. Sad, quiet, mostly under the radar subtle feelings of disappointment and regret and sadness and self-flogging. The visual is me getting a tired, disappointed, disapproving look on my face and subtly shaking my head in a way that says, “Why would you do that again? I’m so sick of trying with you.” Yuk.

I’m writing a book on Self-Love. An important principle that I keep coming back to is that our whole day (our whole world, actually) will go significantly better if we start each day by doing 2 things before we take any other action steps: first, do something, anything that is simply kind to you (i.e. a Self-Love practice); second, check in for any Inner Guidance that you can hear or feel.

As I started reaching for my computer to write this Self-Care Provocation – with tired puffy eyes and full heavy belly and regret for having done it to myself – I remembered that important principle and decided to follow it. I thought through a few of the Self-Love practices I’ve been writing about, and I decided on the Hawaiian prayer/mantra meditation: Ho’oponopono. It’s a 4-sentence prayer/mantra that you repeat over and over until you feel complete.

I know by body loves touch so, rubbing my hands across my belly, I said the Ho’oponopono phrases over and over. Slowly…as if really talking to my belly,

Over and over, gently rubbing my belly (like I used to do all the time so lovingly when Nikolas was in there growing 😊). “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.” Oh my goodness… how amazing and miraculous to feel the regret and disapproval and disappointment melt into soft, loving, self-compassion for me and my beautiful belly and body. Even though the full heavy feeling was still there! Wow…beautiful.

And then I put my computer down and pulled out my journal, because for me that’s one of the easiest ways I can hear my Inner Guidance. And when I did that, it became obvious that this was the topic I wanted to write about today. Cool.

You deserve to be kind to you no matter your choices. If and when you feel disapproval or regret or disappointment or madness or sadness for ANY choice you make today… be kind to you by saying the Ho’oponopono phrases, over and over. “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.” And see if anything shifts.

With great love,

Darcy

I adore my kid. And… sometimes he drives me nuts. To be fair, at 18-years old and a senior in high school getting ready to graduate in a few weeks, there is a VERY good chance that I drive him nuts way more often than he does me 😊.

A cool thing happened on Sunday after my family and I all met for Sunday brunch that reminded me (again!) about how powerful it is when we shift ourselves first. And that sometimes when we do that – weird, cool, beautiful, magical-seeming shifts can happen with those around us.

Let me set the stage a bit: there were 8 of us meeting and we were coming from 3 different places. Originally Nik was going to drive by himself, but things changed – as things do – (can you hear the annoying “mom-ness” in that phrase?) so Nik and I drove up together being slightly irritated with each other. Nothing huge, we were just both tired and sort of “over” each other. I was “over” him being annoyed when I asked about some senior/college “stuff” and his plan for getting some of it done. He was “over” me trying to make him do things when he is an 18-year-old who has always been a really good student who usually gets things done.

We all met at the restaurant, and Nik and I shifted easily – as is so often the case when other humans are around. Brunch was lovely! But then instead of Chris driving Nik home (which was definitely Nik’s preference), Nik had to drive first with his grandma and I (6’ 4” basketball player stuffed in the back of my Soul – nice!) until we dropped her off, and then with just he and I the rest of the way home. Nik had his Airpods in and we were both just quiet as we drove.

And then I did something awesome. I don’t say that to brag. I say that because it took some intention and effort – which is hard sometimes. I shifted myself. I did it to make myself feel better, not to change Nik. That’s an important part. I shifted because I knew it was a kind, loving, powerful thing to do – both for Nik and for myself. Here’s how I did it: I started dwelling on what I thought were Nik’s Divine Self/Higher Self qualities. At Nik’s highest level who is he? If Nik’s Higher Self was sitting next to me right now, what qualities would I notice?

Wow, cool. When I asked myself that, here were the qualities that I saw/felt so easily: huge strength of being… funny… loving… beautiful wisdom… “I got this, mom”… competent… steadfast… gentle… strong. (As I’m writing this, I can feel it again.) So, as I was reaching for those qualities, Nik and I were still just sitting there driving home. Nik was listening to rap songs through his Airpods, scrolling on his phone, having no idea what I was doing. And I’m telling you all of a sudden everything felt totally different in the car. A big energy-draining weight felt like it got taken off. And the feeling left in the car was just light and easy. I LOVE that feeling!

That would have been a big enough deal. But then, without him saying a word, Nik takes his elbow and reaches it out and touches mine with his. And that teeny tiny gesture felt like magic. Later I’ll ask if he remembers doing that and/or feeling things shift in the car. But for now, I’ll just keep basking in how beautiful it all felt.

That’s your provocation for May: take someone living or passed and ask yourself to find their Higher Self qualities. Use your mind and heart and soul’s remembrance and visuals and imagination and try to feel for the answer to, “What are the qualities of her/his Higher Self?” That’s the whole provocation. Try it first with people you know really well, because the moment you ask the question the Universal Intelligence will flood you with knowing! What a cool way to raise your own vibration! And in that – us shifting ourselves to a higher vibration first – lies the cool possibility of helping others shift to a higher vibration too. That’s a win-win!

There are two bumper stickers I really like. One says, “Visualize whirled peas.” That’s just hilarious. I saw it when I was first learning about consciously creating our experiences through visualization and the Law of Attraction, and it’s a take-off of the “Visualize World Peace” bumper sticker (which I love too!). Another one that I particularly like says, “Mean People Suck,” mostly because it just makes me laugh. And because I like when people are nice. I do. I like when we are kind to one another. Somehow it doesn’t seem like it should be that hard to do. Until I remember times when I have been mean—then it makes more sense.

I never plan to be mean. That would feel awful. As I look back at times when I have been mean I notice two things. The first is that I am normally only mean to the people I am closest to… like family or good friends that I love. How weird and sad is that? The second thing I notice is that I am only “mean” (read “impatient, judgmental, harsh, critical, rigid, condescending,” etc.) when I am feeling out of sorts or simply not happy and well myself. Often, it’s when I am physically tired and feeling “pressed” to do more than I can easily get done. Other times it’s when I am experiencing a deeper level of fear, worry, sadness, or difficulty that I don’t know how to “fix.”

I guess that’s not rocket science, but for me, it was good to remember that we are simply not mean to one another, or abusive in any way, when we ourselves feel at our best—whether that means feeling safe, strong, peaceful, happy, fulfilled, or like our needs are met. In a way, that is another big call for taking our own personal responsibility to engage in stress reduction and self-care. Because when we take good care of ourselves, we are much more able to serve others in positive, empowered, and authentic ways.

But even more than that, it’s a call for compassion. Here is your provocation for the week. Whenever you experience someone being “mean,” take a minute to ask yourself, “What might be going on that could make her or him act like that?” Then actually take the time to make up a story. Perhaps she has a sick elderly dad and is exhausted emotionally and physically because the rest of the family isn’t helping out; maybe he is so far in debt that he has lost all hope of relief and is trying to hide it from his family; perhaps she is worried about her children who are making unhealthy choices in relationships, or using drugs and alcohol to deal with their new responsibilities; maybe he just got in another fight with his spouse or girlfriend; perhaps she lost her job—again; maybe he learned that he has cancer or diabetes; maybe she is running late to work and is scared of being treated badly by the boss or co-workers; maybe he always feels criticized and finally just doesn’t care anymore. The list can go on and on.

And then, if you find someone who seems to be chronically mean, ask yourself, “To turn out like that what might their childhood have looked like? What might their life, in general, have been like up until now?” Of course, we will never really know, but I have found that this exercise helps me soften, both toward others and toward myself, when I practice it. In some ways, we are way stronger than we think we are. But in other ways, we are way more vulnerable and sensitive than we think we “should” be. By attempting to take the high road of compassion and acceptance, even when difficult, I feel sure that we help soften and ease not only others’ difficulties but our own as well. How’s that for a win-win situation?