I adore my kid. And… sometimes he drives me nuts. To be fair, at 18-years old and a senior in high school getting ready to graduate in a few weeks, there is a VERY good chance that I drive him nuts way more often than he does me 😊.

A cool thing happened on Sunday after my family and I all met for Sunday brunch that reminded me (again!) about how powerful it is when we shift ourselves first. And that sometimes when we do that – weird, cool, beautiful, magical-seeming shifts can happen with those around us.

Let me set the stage a bit: there were 8 of us meeting and we were coming from 3 different places. Originally Nik was going to drive by himself, but things changed – as things do – (can you hear the annoying “mom-ness” in that phrase?) so Nik and I drove up together being slightly irritated with each other. Nothing huge, we were just both tired and sort of “over” each other. I was “over” him being annoyed when I asked about some senior/college “stuff” and his plan for getting some of it done. He was “over” me trying to make him do things when he is an 18-year-old who has always been a really good student who usually gets things done.

We all met at the restaurant, and Nik and I shifted easily – as is so often the case when other humans are around. Brunch was lovely! But then instead of Chris driving Nik home (which was definitely Nik’s preference), Nik had to drive first with his grandma and I (6’ 4” basketball player stuffed in the back of my Soul – nice!) until we dropped her off, and then with just he and I the rest of the way home. Nik had his Airpods in and we were both just quiet as we drove.

And then I did something awesome. I don’t say that to brag. I say that because it took some intention and effort – which is hard sometimes. I shifted myself. I did it to make myself feel better, not to change Nik. That’s an important part. I shifted because I knew it was a kind, loving, powerful thing to do – both for Nik and for myself. Here’s how I did it: I started dwelling on what I thought were Nik’s Divine Self/Higher Self qualities. At Nik’s highest level who is he? If Nik’s Higher Self was sitting next to me right now, what qualities would I notice?

Wow, cool. When I asked myself that, here were the qualities that I saw/felt so easily: huge strength of being… funny… loving… beautiful wisdom… “I got this, mom”… competent… steadfast… gentle… strong. (As I’m writing this, I can feel it again.) So, as I was reaching for those qualities, Nik and I were still just sitting there driving home. Nik was listening to rap songs through his Airpods, scrolling on his phone, having no idea what I was doing. And I’m telling you all of a sudden everything felt totally different in the car. A big energy-draining weight felt like it got taken off. And the feeling left in the car was just light and easy. I LOVE that feeling!

That would have been a big enough deal. But then, without him saying a word, Nik takes his elbow and reaches it out and touches mine with his. And that teeny tiny gesture felt like magic. Later I’ll ask if he remembers doing that and/or feeling things shift in the car. But for now, I’ll just keep basking in how beautiful it all felt.

That’s your provocation for May: take someone living or passed and ask yourself to find their Higher Self qualities. Use your mind and heart and soul’s remembrance and visuals and imagination and try to feel for the answer to, “What are the qualities of her/his Higher Self?” That’s the whole provocation. Try it first with people you know really well, because the moment you ask the question the Universal Intelligence will flood you with knowing! What a cool way to raise your own vibration! And in that – us shifting ourselves to a higher vibration first – lies the cool possibility of helping others shift to a higher vibration too. That’s a win-win!

There are two bumper stickers I really like. One says, “Visualize whirled peas.” That’s just hilarious. I saw it when I was first learning about consciously creating our experiences through visualization and the Law of Attraction, and it’s a take-off of the “Visualize World Peace” bumper sticker (which I love too!). Another one that I particularly like says, “Mean People Suck,” mostly because it just makes me laugh. And because I like when people are nice. I do. I like when we are kind to one another. Somehow it doesn’t seem like it should be that hard to do. Until I remember times when I have been mean—then it makes more sense.

I never plan to be mean. That would feel awful. As I look back at times when I have been mean I notice two things. The first is that I am normally only mean to the people I am closest to… like family or good friends that I love. How weird and sad is that? The second thing I notice is that I am only “mean” (read “impatient, judgmental, harsh, critical, rigid, condescending,” etc.) when I am feeling out of sorts or simply not happy and well myself. Often, it’s when I am physically tired and feeling “pressed” to do more than I can easily get done. Other times it’s when I am experiencing a deeper level of fear, worry, sadness, or difficulty that I don’t know how to “fix.”

I guess that’s not rocket science, but for me, it was good to remember that we are simply not mean to one another, or abusive in any way, when we ourselves feel at our best—whether that means feeling safe, strong, peaceful, happy, fulfilled, or like our needs are met. In a way, that is another big call for taking our own personal responsibility to engage in stress reduction and self-care. Because when we take good care of ourselves, we are much more able to serve others in positive, empowered, and authentic ways.

But even more than that, it’s a call for compassion. Here is your provocation for the week. Whenever you experience someone being “mean,” take a minute to ask yourself, “What might be going on that could make her or him act like that?” Then actually take the time to make up a story. Perhaps she has a sick elderly dad and is exhausted emotionally and physically because the rest of the family isn’t helping out; maybe he is so far in debt that he has lost all hope of relief and is trying to hide it from his family; perhaps she is worried about her children who are making unhealthy choices in relationships, or using drugs and alcohol to deal with their new responsibilities; maybe he just got in another fight with his spouse or girlfriend; perhaps she lost her job—again; maybe he learned that he has cancer or diabetes; maybe she is running late to work and is scared of being treated badly by the boss or co-workers; maybe he always feels criticized and finally just doesn’t care anymore. The list can go on and on.

And then, if you find someone who seems to be chronically mean, ask yourself, “To turn out like that what might their childhood have looked like? What might their life, in general, have been like up until now?” Of course, we will never really know, but I have found that this exercise helps me soften, both toward others and toward myself, when I practice it. In some ways, we are way stronger than we think we are. But in other ways, we are way more vulnerable and sensitive than we think we “should” be. By attempting to take the high road of compassion and acceptance, even when difficult, I feel sure that we help soften and ease not only others’ difficulties but our own as well. How’s that for a win-win situation?

There are so many aspects of our Divine feminine. Here are two that are being called for upon the planet right now: mama bear fierceness and soothing tenderness. I saw a hilarious t-shirt that said, “‘Mama Bear’ is such a cute way to describe that I would rip you open and eat your insides if you hurt my child.” Yeah… we smile at that because we can feel the truth or inner “rightness” of that clear, single-minded commitment and mighty strength. Mama bear fierceness isn’t wishy-washy; there is no wavering in it. But the real reason it is so profound, the reason it is inherently uplifting and serves our highest good (both individually and globally), is because it stems from deeply loving, deeply caring about someone or something. Feel the power in that.

What’s on your plate today that could benefit from the Divine strength of fierceness? What inner aspect of you needs your Divine mama bear fierceness to stand up for her? In learning to do that for us first, we grow our ability to do that with our own “tribe,” then our community, and then perhaps even further out onto the world stage.

But the power to make a difference isn’t always about the fight, is it? Quite often it’s about helping to bring relief and inner ease. That is where the Divine feminine quality of soothing tenderness comes in. Even just writing that – “soothing tenderness” – brought a big full breath and happy calm to me. The visuals for me are hands of light embracing the whole planet, or the feel of a most delicious and protective embrace. One of the most magnificent powers of our Divine soothing tenderness is that it has the ability to hold all things – the good and the not-good – without being depleted or drained from any of it. Just ever-present love, strength, and tenderness available to us from within. Wow…

What’s on your plate today that could benefit from the loving, healing power of tenderness? What inner part of you needs to feel your Divine soothing tenderness? Start basking this tenderness upon yourself first, and then take note as your strength and inspiration grows to do more of your healing work out in the world!

You may or may not have a “Special Person,” and you may or may not exchange cards or gifts or anything else on Valentine’s Day if you do. Either way, what I REALLY want you to do, not just Feb. 14th, but all month, is to treat yourself like you are your own “Special Person.”

You can take it out of the realm of “That sounds okay in theory, but what am I actually supposed to do with it?” by using this month’s provocation. Do one or both of the below self-love practices. They feel good (maybe a bit odd, but definitely good!) and they also have a lot of healing power because when we practice even small acts of loving ourselves, we connect to the awesome vibrations and frequencies of Universal Love! Cool!

1. Write a short love note from your Higher Self to you. Grab pen and paper (weird… what’s that?); take a few breaths; ask some version of, “Hello Higher Self, will you help me hear something loving from you?”; and then write down a few sentences – even if you feel like you’re totally making it up. Here’s one you can use until you write your own. This is to you!

“Dear One, you are worthy of a life of great good (even if that’s not what you’ve heard or believed). You are beautiful and loveable right now. You have always been, and will always be inherently, infinitely, innately good. I love you! (You’re doing great with all this Earth stuff, by the way!)”

2. Go to Publix or Kroger or Whole Foods or Aldi (or another grocery store wherever you may be!) and buy yourself a small, beautiful bouquet of flowers. Pick a bunch that calls to you. You can tell it’s the right one because when you look at it and/or smell it, you’ll feel a happy little “pick me up” energy move through you.

That’s it! That’s your Self-Care Provocation for February. There are so many small ways we can treat ourselves with love and kindness. Even before it’s a natural habit, just choosing to do some small kind thing for you will start to make positive, happy, healthy shifts in your life. And you are SO worth doing that!

If I could give you one gift, it would be to look at yourself the same way you look at others in your life that you love or hold dear. I am deciding to gift that upon myself for all of 2022! Me loving me in spite of my “less than perfectness.” Will you join me?

It’s odd, but true, that it really is a choice. It doesn’t seem like a choice; it seems like we need to wait until we are worthy… or better… or perfect… or fixed… or nicer… or skinnier… or more spiritual… or do everything right… or have enough time/money… or get enough “likes,” etc…. before we hold ourselves with the same love and acceptance that we so often and so easily give out to others we value.

But here’s the deal. Me waiting to love me until I’m completely loveable is like me waiting to work out until I’m already totally in shape! Isn’t that kind of a crack up? It just doesn’t work that way. Instead, we start where we are – no matter how unfamiliar it is. Me, practicing loving me today; you, practicing loving you today. It’s just a choice we can make. And eventually, if we keep doing it, it can become a new habit.

So, the gift I would give to you if I could, would be to ooze through you the habit of actively, intentionally, happily loving and valuing yourself exactly as you are at this present moment. Just like we do with the people that we already love – even the ones who annoy us! It’s not just the good parts of them that help us love them. It’s the whole way they are – with their good parts, but also the “other” parts…too fat, too thin, too old, too young, too soft, too hard, too broke, too wealthy, too busy, too overdone, too scared, too sad, too happy, too frustrated, too depressed, too anxious, too sick, too fake, too embarrassed, too vulnerable, too less than, too impatient, too hurried… and all the other ways they show up. Along with their good parts, it’s their weaknesses, weirdnesses, and vulnerabilities that make them more loveable to us. We can decide the same goes for ourselves!

In that light, here’s your provocation throughout this first beautiful month of 2022: Decide to practice loving you in spite of how not “good” or “worthy” or “lovable” or “okay” you feel. Decide today to be easy with you… and let yourself off the hook… and trust the goodness within you… and bask in your strengths and positive qualities… and look expectantly and patiently for the good parts that are still growing … and hold yourself kindly, gently and with Mama Bear strength every time you feel broken or sad or embarrassed or less than or are hurting in any way.

We could begin to heal the whole planet if we do that. Here’s one way to start. Set your phone clock for every hour (when you’re awake). Each time your alarm rings put your hands either on your heart or cup your hands on your face and ask: “If I chose to be loving to myself, what do I need right now?” And then sit quietly for a few minutes. Don’t worry about what you do or don’t “get.” I promise that even the willingness to ask the question will begin powerful, positive shifts for you. It may feel awkward at first… but it will also feel beautiful, healing, and empowering in your soul!

May you feel the love which is infinitely radiating to you and through you!