Do you ever do this? Do you ever decide if you’re “allowed” to feel tired or yucky based on if your brain can come up with a “reason” you “should” feel yucky? Or give yourself a hard time, or at least feel annoyed, if you feel crappy when there’s “no reason” to feel crappy?

I caught myself doing that yesterday morning and as I was telling a friend about it, I noticed that my brain (and its inner committee 😊) likes to divide things into three distinct pods based on how I’m feeling and the circumstances for each:

1. I wake up and feel good – (Brain’s interpretation: “Yay, that feels good, so all is well!”)
2. I wake up and feel yucky – but I can come up with a reason why I feel yucky like I went to bed way too late, or I’m nervous about something, or I worked out too hard, or sat at my computer all day with no exercise, or I’ve been running around like a freak too many days in a row, or I ate stuff that made me feel puffy or bloated or heavy, or I’m detoxing physically or spiritually healing/changing old patterns, or I can feel a cold coming on, etc. etc. (Brain’s interpretation: “Well, I don’t like feeling like this, but I understand it, so all is still okay.”)
3. I wake up and feel yucky – but I have “no reason” to feel yucky because I ate things that made my body happy, and I worked out just the right amount for me, and I’m not procrastinating on anything, and all is well with my humans, and there’s nothing specific worrying me, etc. etc. (Brain’s interpretation: “What?? I don’t like this at all. It makes no sense! Why are you feeling funky when nothing’s wrong? Come on, mush doggy! I don’t understand this; it’s not okay!”)

Yeah, I know – pretty hilarious. So yesterday morning, I noticed all three: I felt physically tired and crunched up; I felt annoyed because I hate that feeling; AND I couldn’t find a good reason for why.

And then a simple insight (and gift) popped in: Darcy, you can push against the yucky feeling. Really…if you need to do that it’s okay. And later your energized “I feel good” will come back anyway. Or… you could choose to not push against it as you wait for your “I feel good” to come back. You can be as slow and gentle and kind and undisturbed with it as you are with Chris, Nik, mom, or any other human when they are feeling tired or “off.”

Wow… cool. In that moment I got it that I could say to my beautiful brain, “Hey, thanks for trying to keep me safe by always trying to figure things out. But I don’t need you to do that right now. I promise all is well.” This time around I picked that choice… and it was awesome. I felt my whole “I’m on guard! Wait… what’s wrong?!” thing totally soften and chill out and actually leave. I still felt physically tired and slow for the moment. But along with that I just felt easy. How cool is that?

So, here’s your provocation (and gift): the next time you find yourself mentally, emotionally, physically, or spiritually “off” even if there’s no good reason to feel that way… stand metaphorically tall and strong, and say kindly but firmly to your beautiful brain and chatty inner committee, “Hey, thank you – but I got this. All is well. You can stand down. We’re just going to go with the flow, roll with it, allow whatever is going on. Because I promise that soon enough, like all things, this too will pass.”

Because I promise…  like all things, this too will pass. And it turns out that when we treat ourselves kindly by allowing it – things pass more gracefully and quickly too 😊.

Take kind, loving care of yourself today and this month. And sign up here for next month’s “Self-Love is the Path” class. It’s free, online, and open to everyone! It’s Tuesday, Sept. 6^th 7pm EST (after a nice long Labor Day weekend for many of us!) and I would love to have you join me!

Does this ever happen to you? I woke up with a total food hangover. The night before, Chris and I ate at a restaurant commonly accused of using monosodium glutamate (MSG) in lots of their foods. Granted, MSG makes my food taste totally wonderful and salty and just the right spiciness. But… it also keeps me awake for hours, makes my sleep light and weird when I finally do fall asleep, and makes me really puffy in the morning. (Nice!)

Then when we got home (already late) Chris made us each a brownie hot fudge sundae which I decided to eat Mindfully, fully basking in and enjoying every insanely delicious bite. Until the end… when my belly wanted to be done, but my mouth wanted more. So I stopped being Mindful and I ate the last of it anyway.

Thus, along with my MSG puffiness and fatigue from crappy sleep, I also felt like I had a big heavy brick in my belly.

But what accompanies those physical sensations is always worse: regret for having made those choices. Sad, quiet, mostly under the radar subtle feelings of disappointment and regret and sadness and self-flogging. The visual is me getting a tired, disappointed, disapproving look on my face and subtly shaking my head in a way that says, “Why would you do that again? I’m so sick of trying with you.” Yuk.

I’m writing a book on Self-Love. An important principle that I keep coming back to is that our whole day (our whole world, actually) will go significantly better if we start each day by doing 2 things before we take any other action steps: first, do something, anything that is simply kind to you (i.e. a Self-Love practice); second, check in for any Inner Guidance that you can hear or feel.

As I started reaching for my computer to write this Self-Care Provocation – with tired puffy eyes and full heavy belly and regret for having done it to myself – I remembered that important principle and decided to follow it. I thought through a few of the Self-Love practices I’ve been writing about, and I decided on the Hawaiian prayer/mantra meditation: Ho’oponopono. It’s a 4-sentence prayer/mantra that you repeat over and over until you feel complete.

I know by body loves touch so, rubbing my hands across my belly, I said the Ho’oponopono phrases over and over. Slowly…as if really talking to my belly,

Over and over, gently rubbing my belly (like I used to do all the time so lovingly when Nikolas was in there growing 😊). “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.” Oh my goodness… how amazing and miraculous to feel the regret and disapproval and disappointment melt into soft, loving, self-compassion for me and my beautiful belly and body. Even though the full heavy feeling was still there! Wow…beautiful.

And then I put my computer down and pulled out my journal, because for me that’s one of the easiest ways I can hear my Inner Guidance. And when I did that, it became obvious that this was the topic I wanted to write about today. Cool.

You deserve to be kind to you no matter your choices. If and when you feel disapproval or regret or disappointment or madness or sadness for ANY choice you make today… be kind to you by saying the Ho’oponopono phrases, over and over. “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.” And see if anything shifts.

With great love,

Does this ever happen to you? I woke up with a total food hangover. The night before, Chris and I ate at a restaurant commonly accused of using monosodium glutamate (MSG) in lots of their foods. Granted, MSG makes my food taste totally wonderful and salty and just the right spiciness. But… it also keeps me awake for hours, makes my sleep light and weird when I finally do fall asleep, and makes me really puffy in the morning. (Nice!)

Then when we got home (already late) Chris made us each a brownie hot fudge sundae which I decided to eat Mindfully, fully basking in and enjoying every insanely delicious bite. Until the end… when my belly wanted to be done, but my mouth wanted more. So I stopped being Mindful and I ate the last of it anyway.

Thus, along with my MSG puffiness and fatigue from crappy sleep, I also felt like I had a big heavy brick in my belly.

But what accompanies those physical sensations is always worse: regret for having made those choices. Sad, quiet, mostly under the radar subtle feelings of disappointment and regret and sadness and self-flogging. The visual is me getting a tired, disappointed, disapproving look on my face and subtly shaking my head in a way that says, “Why would you do that again? I’m so sick of trying with you.” Yuk.

I’m writing a book on Self-Love. An important principle that I keep coming back to is that our whole day (our whole world, actually) will go significantly better if we start each day by doing 2 things before we take any other action steps: first, do something, anything that is simply kind to you (i.e. a Self-Love practice); second, check in for any Inner Guidance that you can hear or feel.

As I started reaching for my computer to write this Self-Care Provocation – with tired puffy eyes and full heavy belly and regret for having done it to myself – I remembered that important principle and decided to follow it. I thought through a few of the Self-Love practices I’ve been writing about, and I decided on the Hawaiian prayer/mantra meditation: Ho’oponopono. It’s a 4-sentence prayer/mantra that you repeat over and over until you feel complete.

I know by body loves touch so, rubbing my hands across my belly, I said the Ho’oponopono phrases over and over. Slowly…as if really talking to my belly,

Over and over, gently rubbing my belly (like I used to do all the time so lovingly when Nikolas was in there growing 😊). “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.” Oh my goodness… how amazing and miraculous to feel the regret and disapproval and disappointment melt into soft, loving, self-compassion for me and my beautiful belly and body. Even though the full heavy feeling was still there! Wow…beautiful.

And then I put my computer down and pulled out my journal, because for me that’s one of the easiest ways I can hear my Inner Guidance. And when I did that, it became obvious that this was the topic I wanted to write about today. Cool.

You deserve to be kind to you no matter your choices. If and when you feel disapproval or regret or disappointment or madness or sadness for ANY choice you make today… be kind to you by saying the Ho’oponopono phrases, over and over. “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.” And see if anything shifts.

With great love,

Darcy

I adore my kid. And… sometimes he drives me nuts. To be fair, at 18-years old and a senior in high school getting ready to graduate in a few weeks, there is a VERY good chance that I drive him nuts way more often than he does me 😊.

A cool thing happened on Sunday after my family and I all met for Sunday brunch that reminded me (again!) about how powerful it is when we shift ourselves first. And that sometimes when we do that – weird, cool, beautiful, magical-seeming shifts can happen with those around us.

Let me set the stage a bit: there were 8 of us meeting and we were coming from 3 different places. Originally Nik was going to drive by himself, but things changed – as things do – (can you hear the annoying “mom-ness” in that phrase?) so Nik and I drove up together being slightly irritated with each other. Nothing huge, we were just both tired and sort of “over” each other. I was “over” him being annoyed when I asked about some senior/college “stuff” and his plan for getting some of it done. He was “over” me trying to make him do things when he is an 18-year-old who has always been a really good student who usually gets things done.

We all met at the restaurant, and Nik and I shifted easily – as is so often the case when other humans are around. Brunch was lovely! But then instead of Chris driving Nik home (which was definitely Nik’s preference), Nik had to drive first with his grandma and I (6’ 4” basketball player stuffed in the back of my Soul – nice!) until we dropped her off, and then with just he and I the rest of the way home. Nik had his Airpods in and we were both just quiet as we drove.

And then I did something awesome. I don’t say that to brag. I say that because it took some intention and effort – which is hard sometimes. I shifted myself. I did it to make myself feel better, not to change Nik. That’s an important part. I shifted because I knew it was a kind, loving, powerful thing to do – both for Nik and for myself. Here’s how I did it: I started dwelling on what I thought were Nik’s Divine Self/Higher Self qualities. At Nik’s highest level who is he? If Nik’s Higher Self was sitting next to me right now, what qualities would I notice?

Wow, cool. When I asked myself that, here were the qualities that I saw/felt so easily: huge strength of being… funny… loving… beautiful wisdom… “I got this, mom”… competent… steadfast… gentle… strong. (As I’m writing this, I can feel it again.) So, as I was reaching for those qualities, Nik and I were still just sitting there driving home. Nik was listening to rap songs through his Airpods, scrolling on his phone, having no idea what I was doing. And I’m telling you all of a sudden everything felt totally different in the car. A big energy-draining weight felt like it got taken off. And the feeling left in the car was just light and easy. I LOVE that feeling!

That would have been a big enough deal. But then, without him saying a word, Nik takes his elbow and reaches it out and touches mine with his. And that teeny tiny gesture felt like magic. Later I’ll ask if he remembers doing that and/or feeling things shift in the car. But for now, I’ll just keep basking in how beautiful it all felt.

That’s your provocation for May: take someone living or passed and ask yourself to find their Higher Self qualities. Use your mind and heart and soul’s remembrance and visuals and imagination and try to feel for the answer to, “What are the qualities of her/his Higher Self?” That’s the whole provocation. Try it first with people you know really well, because the moment you ask the question the Universal Intelligence will flood you with knowing! What a cool way to raise your own vibration! And in that – us shifting ourselves to a higher vibration first – lies the cool possibility of helping others shift to a higher vibration too. That’s a win-win!