You’re allowed to feel better – even when things are the way they are.
Do you notice how sometimes it’s easy to get a really good worry or rumination cycle going? I heard something about worry that resonated with me, so I want to share it with you.
Think of “worry” this way: it’s like the desire or intention to problem-solve (beneficial!) mixed with anxiety (NOT beneficial!). They cancel each other out, which is why ruminating is not effective for producing healthy action. Now, I think we already know that, but sometimes it’s hard to stop ruminating or worrying. This simple and beautiful practice might help, so it’s your provocation for the week.
If you catch yourself ruminating about something (dare I mention the scene at the Capitol last Wednesday?), then replace it with this self-care practice instead. When you first become aware that you are worrying (as always, awareness must be first), look at your phone or watch and actually set your time for 3-5 minutes (you pick). Then, for those minutes, let yourself immerse fully in worry, rumination, planning, fretting, digging around in it in whatever ways you most need or want to. At the end of your allotted time ask yourself these 3 questions, and answer honestly with no self-criticism attached:
1. Do I feel any better?
2. Did I learn anything new about the situation and/or about myself?
3. Am I closer to a solution or to a positive step that feels right for me to take?
If all three of those answers are “no” – and when we’re ruminating they usually are – then use it as a cue to do one of these replacement self-care activities for (at least) the same number of minutes that you let yourself worry/ruminate:
1. Move! Stand up from wherever you are and physically move yourself around: walk to the restroom; YouTube a song you like and dance around to it; do a full body stretch, big yawn, and some shoulder rolls; walk around your house or building one time; anything – just get your body moving for a few minutes. The metaphor is like when a dog gets out of the water: shake it all off!
2. Balanced Breathing: breathe in for 4-5 counts…breathe out for 4-5 counts; keep that rhythm going for your 3-5 minutes. It literally balances your nervous system – how cool it that?
3. Mindfulness Practice: take your 3-5 minutes to watch your breath moving in and out naturally, or scan your awareness through your body (Body Scan) and see what you find (what’s uncomfortable and in what way? what’s comfortable and in what way?)
4. Think of someone who means a lot to your heart (4-leggers count too!): now imagine radiating to them your desire that they feel safe, happy, well, and wonderfully loved!
You’re allowed to feel better – even when things are the way they are. May this practice help you move in that direction!