If I could give you one gift, it would be to look at yourself the same way you look at others in your life that you love or hold dear. I am deciding to gift that upon myself for all of 2022! Me loving me in spite of my “less than perfectness.” Will you join me?

It’s odd, but true, that it really is a choice. It doesn’t seem like a choice; it seems like we need to wait until we are worthy… or better… or perfect… or fixed… or nicer… or skinnier… or more spiritual… or do everything right… or have enough time/money… or get enough “likes,” etc…. before we hold ourselves with the same love and acceptance that we so often and so easily give out to others we value.

But here’s the deal. Me waiting to love me until I’m completely loveable is like me waiting to work out until I’m already totally in shape! Isn’t that kind of a crack up? It just doesn’t work that way. Instead, we start where we are – no matter how unfamiliar it is. Me, practicing loving me today; you, practicing loving you today. It’s just a choice we can make. And eventually, if we keep doing it, it can become a new habit.

So, the gift I would give to you if I could, would be to ooze through you the habit of actively, intentionally, happily loving and valuing yourself exactly as you are at this present moment. Just like we do with the people that we already love – even the ones who annoy us! It’s not just the good parts of them that help us love them. It’s the whole way they are – with their good parts, but also the “other” parts…too fat, too thin, too old, too young, too soft, too hard, too broke, too wealthy, too busy, too overdone, too scared, too sad, too happy, too frustrated, too depressed, too anxious, too sick, too fake, too embarrassed, too vulnerable, too less than, too impatient, too hurried… and all the other ways they show up. Along with their good parts, it’s their weaknesses, weirdnesses, and vulnerabilities that make them more loveable to us. We can decide the same goes for ourselves!

In that light, here’s your provocation throughout this first beautiful month of 2022: Decide to practice loving you in spite of how not “good” or “worthy” or “lovable” or “okay” you feel. Decide today to be easy with you… and let yourself off the hook… and trust the goodness within you… and bask in your strengths and positive qualities… and look expectantly and patiently for the good parts that are still growing … and hold yourself kindly, gently and with Mama Bear strength every time you feel broken or sad or embarrassed or less than or are hurting in any way.

We could begin to heal the whole planet if we do that. Here’s one way to start. Set your phone clock for every hour (when you’re awake). Each time your alarm rings put your hands either on your heart or cup your hands on your face and ask: “If I chose to be loving to myself, what do I need right now?” And then sit quietly for a few minutes. Don’t worry about what you do or don’t “get.” I promise that even the willingness to ask the question will begin powerful, positive shifts for you. It may feel awkward at first… but it will also feel beautiful, healing, and empowering in your soul!

May you feel the love which is infinitely radiating to you and through you!

It’s funny. Or maybe not funny, really.

I’ve been “doing” people most of my life (educator, speaker, consultant, coach, etc.). Because of that, I am well aware that when we’re hurting – we show up in different ways. When we have been hurting, sometimes we look sad; or withdrawn; or disappointed; or scared. But sometimes when we’re hurting… we look mad. And we act mad. And we aren’t very nice.

Now obviously, someone who is feeling sad comes across very differently from someone who is feeling mad. But again… because of my years of life work, I am truly aware that no matter how it is being presented it stems from hurting in some way.

And the reason I said, “It’s funny” is because although I know that fact – it’s still WAY easier for me to be compassionate with someone who is “presenting” with sadness or fear or disappointment than with someone who is “presenting” with anger or aggression. It’s like the meanness, madness, or littleness they are expressing can evoke the same in me… in us.

And there’s something sadly backwards about all of that because… for many people when they are hurting anger, aggression, and hostility are way easier to feel than sadness or fear. Here’s why. Have you ever noticed how much more vulnerable you have to be to let yourself feel sad or scared? You have to be open and soft enough to feel it – that’s scary!

On the other hand, have you ever noticed how much less vulnerable you have to be if you stick with feeling angry? You can stay closed up and hardened. Not so scary. But because both sides stem from us hurting… the truth is we all need quiet compassion in those moments. And the compassion can lead to beautiful shifts.

As an example, Chris and I got in an argument the other day. He thought I was mad at him about something… which I wasn’t. But him thinking that I was evoked defensiveness in him – which looked a lot like madness and felt like meanness – which evoked madness in me (which I’m sure felt like meanness to him). It took a good thirty minutes of misunderstanding each other before things shifted.

I started practicing Compassionate Breathing which I recently learned from a beautiful Mindful Self-Compassion training (I highly recommend it – Dr. Kristen Neff & Dr. Chris Germer). Compassion to myself as I inhale… compassion to Chris on the exhale… and again to me on the inhale… him on the exhale. And I could feel myself softening. And could feel my demeanor change. And then I watched him soften. And his demeanor shifted. And all of a sudden it was us again. Softer, more open, more understanding… compassionate with each other the way we usually are.

On that note, here is your provocation for the week.

Whenever you come across what looks like frustration, anger, meanness, hostility, or aggression – in you or in someone else – understand that it stems from us/them hurting in some way. And decide – even if just as an experiment – to shift to compassion and see what happens within you. It’s a beautiful thing!

This week is about shifting your frequency to a higher vibration – because you can!
And when you do, you tune your inner radio to the station that matches the perspectives, insights, and knowing of your inner Being, Higher Self, still small voice of God, Goddess within, divine guidance, or whatever you like to call that higher Essence available to each of us.

Here’s one reason to care about that. Whatever heart’s desires you have been feeling – they have the ability to grow into reality. Really! As soon as a desire “hatches,” our Divine Essence is all over it and says, “Alright, let’s begin to move toward that! Here’s what to do (or not do) to get started.” The only issue is, often we can’t hear those inner messages because we don’t believe they’re available to us, or maybe we don’t believe we’re worthy of that much good, or perhaps we’re just not in the habit of listening for our powerful inner guidance system.

But regardless – that guidance is always there, always available, and always projecting information and ideas to us! In order to access that guidance, all we need to do is lift ourselves into higher vibrations of energy. One way to do that is to shift away from negative or draining emotions – which are lower energies/frequencies – and into positive or uplifting emotions – which are higher frequency.

Now, I don’t want you to think I’m saying that negative emotions are bad, or that we shouldn’t have them, because I’m not saying that at all! All emotions add to the richness and depth of our lives. It’s only a problem if we make a habit of staying in negative emotions. It’s a problem because not only do negative emotions deplete us, but they also make it harder to hear our inner guidance. 

So, what can you do if you’ve been feeling stressed or overdone? You can make the shift to a positive or uplifting emotion, which is a practical way to tune your inner radio to “hear” the powerful intuition of your Higher Self. That voice is always radiating ideas and guidance about living a grander version of yourself.

How do we do it? We take the effort – and sometimes it is effort – to shift ourselves out of stressful emotions like frustration, anxiety, self-criticism, guilt, or anything else that drains us, and reach for a positive or uplifting emotion. Did you know we don’t have to wait around for something good to happen before we feel positive emotions? Instead, we can take the time and focus to experience an uplifting feeling “on demand”! How cool is that?! And that’s how we can line up with our more intelligent, higher perspectives.
Feel the positive shift that happens as you read slowly through the below questions and let your answers emerge. When an answer comes up, just bask in it for a few moments before you move on to the next question.

• Think of a person or pet that you love or appreciate. What’s something that makes them special to you?

• Remember a positive or fun time in your life. Whether recently or long ago, what made it such a good experience?

• Do you remember a time when you laughed really hard? Try to re-experience some of what made it so funny.

• Think about a time when you felt proud of yourself or completed something important.

• Do you have a place that you love to be? Remember the specifics about it using memories of all your senses; try to do it enough to re-experience it.

• Are there songs that make you feel really good when you hear them? Listen to one of them.

• Bring to mind a challenging time you had and thank your younger self for the courage and strength s/he had to get you safely through.

• Remember a time when you were supportive or kind to someone who was in need. How did that feel to get to help?

• Was there someone who profoundly changed your life for the better? Bring them to mind; now radiate gratitude from your heart to theirs.

• Who or what matters to your heart? Feel your natural inclination to want them to experience happiness and health and well-being. Imagine sending them love and your wish for them to experience their highest good. 

Stay with it until you feel a positive or uplifting emotion. Some days it might take several minutes; other days you might feel an uplifting, happy, or peaceful feeling quite quickly. Either way it’s worth the effort and it shifts you toward your higher, spiritually tuned vibration!

Take good care of yourself this week – just because you deserve to!

So, here is an odd question for you…
What important part of you do you have tied up somewhere? I was at lunch with a friend the other day. As we were talking, I remembered a weird dream I had. There was someone on a horse dragging a baby kangaroo behind it; the kangaroo’s feet were tied up with a lasso thing – which is what the person on the horse was using to pull it with. Sounds really mean now, but I wasn’t hugely disturbed as I was recounting it because the feeling in the dream wasn’t about hurting the kangaroo. It was just about making it not be able to do its “kangaroo-y” thing. Aren’t dreams weird (and cool)?

The dream didn’t make much sense to me, nor did it feel very impactful. But I clearly thought it was weird enough to want to tell her. When I finished my brief description my friend said, “Don’t just blow it off. What does a baby kangaroo represent to you?” “Uh…I don’t know…?”

Silence from her with a look that said, “That’s okay, I’ll wait.” So, I thought it over enough and responded, “Well, I guess to me a baby kangaroo represents things like being childlike, playful… not worried about the way things are supposed be. Romping and basking in each moment.” She then asked me if there are any areas in my life where I am needing more of those qualities? Wow, cool. Yes, there are.

As she asked me that question, I could feel this rush of realization that I hadn’t been letting in much playfulness lately; instead, I had been letting my mind run the show. You know the bright, sometimes beautiful mind that can spew an incessant barrage of things like, “Do it this way; no, this way; what about that; plan this; try this; you need to do more of this; stop doing that; organize this; think about that; worry about this; remember to look at this; are you sure about that? etc.” Can you relate?

The truth is, I love our bright, strong minds. But it’s really important to balance our mental aspects with other qualities as well. I was missing my playful side. How about you? What qualities have you been keeping at bay?
Here’s your provocation for the week. Simply ask yourself what is an aspect or quality that you have been keeping metaphorically “tied up,” one that might be helpful with something you are working on. The patient part of you? A gentle or vulnerable part? A playful quality? A powerful aspect of you? How about a trusting one? A loving or forgiving side? A part of you with strong, confident qualities? How about an aspect of you that is decisive and sure? Or soft and kind?

Whatever part you find, have a gentle willingness to express more of that quality this week. It’s okay even if you don’t really know how to use or express that quality. Willingness and intention are powerful beyond what our minds can grasp. This week begin opening to an aspect that has been metaphorically “tied up” or forgotten. Have fun and just see if anything begins to shift for you.

Take good care of you – you deserve a life of great good!

“Love heals all things.”

Spiritual texts and sages have been giving us that message for a long time. But what if it wasn’t just the stuff of religious writings and poets, of ancient philosophers, famous quotes, and songs? What if the wisdom and potential of love – today, in this moment – was much more present and much more powerful than we have yet let ourselves understand?

Julia Dennis, an exceptionally talented healer friend of mine, has a favorite quote by Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, a French philosopher and Jesuit priest. The quote says, “Someday, after mastering the winds, the waves, the tides and gravity, we shall harness [for God] the energies of love, and then, for a second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.” Isn’t that awesome? Sometimes I get this exciting chill that goes right through me when I think for a moment about that actually being true. That really… with our day-to-day things like our bodies and money and relationships and jobs and personal challenges right here and right now…what if, perhaps, love could heal it all?

What if you had the capability to access love and then do beautiful things with it? What if I did too? And people everywhere as well. I think we do have that capability.

So, that’s your provocation for the week. Act like it’s true that love can heal all things and that you can access love’s healing power. So first, decide what you will work on healing. My gentle suggestion is to work on something meaningful enough to matter (i.e. not the paper-cut you got yesterday) but not so big (i.e. world peace or deep resentment that’s been around for decades) that your belief says, “Not possible.” You can work on those later!

The next step is to surround the situation with love. There are many ways to access love. If you already have a process that works to help you feel the emotion of love, compassion, caring or appreciation – go for it (prayer, meditation, and practicing gratitude are all quite beautiful and effective)!

Or feel free to try this simple but beautiful process: Give yourself 5-10 minutes somewhere quiet where you won’t be bothered, and where you feel comfortable closing your eyes. Breathe gently, with a few long, slow inhales…and long, slow exhales. Next, bring to mind the situation, experience, body part, or person that you want to heal, and silently say something like, “It is my intention to bring love to this, with the desire to heal it for the highest and best for all concerned.” Then finally, give a sincere attempt to access a positive emotion like love or appreciation or compassion or peace or ease or kindness or caring. When you get to that heart feeling, imagine radiating it to the person (whether to yourself or another) or situation you are working on healing. Continue for 5-10 minutes.
We are each more powerful for affecting good than we think we are. What if all of us did this practice all over the world – intentionally accessed love to heal – even just for one day? Wow…. Treat yourself, today, like you have the healing power of love within you… because you do!

“Love heals all things.”

Spiritual texts and sages have been giving us that message for a long time. But what if it wasn’t just the stuff of religious writings and poets, of ancient philosophers, famous quotes, and songs? What if the wisdom and potential of love – today, in this moment – was much more present and much more powerful than we have yet let ourselves understand?

Julia Dennis, an exceptionally talented healer friend of mine, has a favorite quote by Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, a French philosopher and Jesuit priest. The quote says, “Someday, after mastering the winds, the waves, the tides and gravity, we shall harness [for God] the energies of love, and then, for a second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.” Isn’t that awesome? Sometimes I get this exciting chill that goes right through me when I think for a moment about that actually being true. That really… with our day-to-day things like our bodies and money and relationships and jobs and personal challenges right here and right now…what if, perhaps, love could heal it all?
What if you had the capability to access love and then do beautiful things with it? What if I did too? And people everywhere as well. I think we do have that capability.

So, that’s your provocation for the week. Act like it’s true that love can heal all things and that you can access love’s healing power. So first, decide what you will work on healing. My gentle suggestion is to work on something meaningful enough to matter (i.e. not the paper-cut you got yesterday) but not so big (i.e. world peace or deep resentment that’s been around for decades) that your belief says, “Not possible.” You can work on those later!

The next step is to surround the situation with love. There are many ways to access love. If you already have a process that works to help you feel the emotion of love, compassion, caring or appreciation – go for it (prayer, meditation, and practicing gratitude are all quite beautiful and effective)!

Or feel free to try this simple but beautiful process: Give yourself 5-10 minutes somewhere quiet where you won’t be bothered, and where you feel comfortable closing your eyes. Breathe gently, with a few long, slow inhales…and long, slow exhales. Next, bring to mind the situation, experience, body part, or person that you want to heal, and silently say something like, “It is my intention to bring love to this, with the desire to heal it for the highest and best for all concerned.” Then finally, give a sincere attempt to access a positive emotion like love or appreciation or compassion or peace or ease or kindness or caring. When you get to that heart feeling, imagine radiating it to the person (whether to yourself or another) or situation you are working on healing. Continue for 5-10 minutes.
We are each more powerful for affecting good than we think we are. What if all of us did this practice all over the world – intentionally accessed love to heal – even just for one day? Wow…. Treat yourself, today, like you have the healing power of love within you… because you do!