There are two bumper stickers I really like. One says, “Visualize whirled peas.” That’s just hilarious. I saw it when I was first learning about consciously creating our experiences through visualization and the Law of Attraction, and it’s a take-off of the “Visualize World Peace” bumper sticker (which I love too!). Another one that I particularly like says, “Mean People Suck,” mostly because it just makes me laugh. And because I like when people are nice. I do. I like when we are kind to one another. Somehow it doesn’t seem like it should be that hard to do. Until I remember times when I have been mean—then it makes more sense.

I never plan to be mean. That would feel awful. As I look back at times when I have been mean I notice two things. The first is that I am normally only mean to the people I am closest to… like family or good friends that I love. How weird and sad is that? The second thing I notice is that I am only “mean” (read “impatient, judgmental, harsh, critical, rigid, condescending,” etc.) when I am feeling out of sorts or simply not happy and well myself. Often, it’s when I am physically tired and feeling “pressed” to do more than I can easily get done. Other times it’s when I am experiencing a deeper level of fear, worry, sadness, or difficulty that I don’t know how to “fix.”

I guess that’s not rocket science, but for me, it was good to remember that we are simply not mean to one another, or abusive in any way, when we ourselves feel at our best—whether that means feeling safe, strong, peaceful, happy, fulfilled, or like our needs are met. In a way, that is another big call for taking our own personal responsibility to engage in stress reduction and self-care. Because when we take good care of ourselves, we are much more able to serve others in positive, empowered, and authentic ways.

But even more than that, it’s a call for compassion. Here is your provocation for the week. Whenever you experience someone being “mean,” take a minute to ask yourself, “What might be going on that could make her or him act like that?” Then actually take the time to make up a story. Perhaps she has a sick elderly dad and is exhausted emotionally and physically because the rest of the family isn’t helping out; maybe he is so far in debt that he has lost all hope of relief and is trying to hide it from his family; perhaps she is worried about her children who are making unhealthy choices in relationships, or using drugs and alcohol to deal with their new responsibilities; maybe he just got in another fight with his spouse or girlfriend; perhaps she lost her job—again; maybe he learned that he has cancer or diabetes; maybe she is running late to work and is scared of being treated badly by the boss or co-workers; maybe he always feels criticized and finally just doesn’t care anymore. The list can go on and on.

And then, if you find someone who seems to be chronically mean, ask yourself, “To turn out like that what might their childhood have looked like? What might their life, in general, have been like up until now?” Of course, we will never really know, but I have found that this exercise helps me soften, both toward others and toward myself, when I practice it. In some ways, we are way stronger than we think we are. But in other ways, we are way more vulnerable and sensitive than we think we “should” be. By attempting to take the high road of compassion and acceptance, even when difficult, I feel sure that we help soften and ease not only others’ difficulties but our own as well. How’s that for a win-win situation?

There are so many aspects of our Divine feminine. Here are two that are being called for upon the planet right now: mama bear fierceness and soothing tenderness. I saw a hilarious t-shirt that said, “‘Mama Bear’ is such a cute way to describe that I would rip you open and eat your insides if you hurt my child.” Yeah… we smile at that because we can feel the truth or inner “rightness” of that clear, single-minded commitment and mighty strength. Mama bear fierceness isn’t wishy-washy; there is no wavering in it. But the real reason it is so profound, the reason it is inherently uplifting and serves our highest good (both individually and globally), is because it stems from deeply loving, deeply caring about someone or something. Feel the power in that.

What’s on your plate today that could benefit from the Divine strength of fierceness? What inner aspect of you needs your Divine mama bear fierceness to stand up for her? In learning to do that for us first, we grow our ability to do that with our own “tribe,” then our community, and then perhaps even further out onto the world stage.

But the power to make a difference isn’t always about the fight, is it? Quite often it’s about helping to bring relief and inner ease. That is where the Divine feminine quality of soothing tenderness comes in. Even just writing that – “soothing tenderness” – brought a big full breath and happy calm to me. The visuals for me are hands of light embracing the whole planet, or the feel of a most delicious and protective embrace. One of the most magnificent powers of our Divine soothing tenderness is that it has the ability to hold all things – the good and the not-good – without being depleted or drained from any of it. Just ever-present love, strength, and tenderness available to us from within. Wow…

What’s on your plate today that could benefit from the loving, healing power of tenderness? What inner part of you needs to feel your Divine soothing tenderness? Start basking this tenderness upon yourself first, and then take note as your strength and inspiration grows to do more of your healing work out in the world!

You may or may not have a “Special Person,” and you may or may not exchange cards or gifts or anything else on Valentine’s Day if you do. Either way, what I REALLY want you to do, not just Feb. 14th, but all month, is to treat yourself like you are your own “Special Person.”

You can take it out of the realm of “That sounds okay in theory, but what am I actually supposed to do with it?” by using this month’s provocation. Do one or both of the below self-love practices. They feel good (maybe a bit odd, but definitely good!) and they also have a lot of healing power because when we practice even small acts of loving ourselves, we connect to the awesome vibrations and frequencies of Universal Love! Cool!

1. Write a short love note from your Higher Self to you. Grab pen and paper (weird… what’s that?); take a few breaths; ask some version of, “Hello Higher Self, will you help me hear something loving from you?”; and then write down a few sentences – even if you feel like you’re totally making it up. Here’s one you can use until you write your own. This is to you!

“Dear One, you are worthy of a life of great good (even if that’s not what you’ve heard or believed). You are beautiful and loveable right now. You have always been, and will always be inherently, infinitely, innately good. I love you! (You’re doing great with all this Earth stuff, by the way!)”

2. Go to Publix or Kroger or Whole Foods or Aldi (or another grocery store wherever you may be!) and buy yourself a small, beautiful bouquet of flowers. Pick a bunch that calls to you. You can tell it’s the right one because when you look at it and/or smell it, you’ll feel a happy little “pick me up” energy move through you.

That’s it! That’s your Self-Care Provocation for February. There are so many small ways we can treat ourselves with love and kindness. Even before it’s a natural habit, just choosing to do some small kind thing for you will start to make positive, happy, healthy shifts in your life. And you are SO worth doing that!

If I could give you one gift, it would be to look at yourself the same way you look at others in your life that you love or hold dear. I am deciding to gift that upon myself for all of 2022! Me loving me in spite of my “less than perfectness.” Will you join me?

It’s odd, but true, that it really is a choice. It doesn’t seem like a choice; it seems like we need to wait until we are worthy… or better… or perfect… or fixed… or nicer… or skinnier… or more spiritual… or do everything right… or have enough time/money… or get enough “likes,” etc…. before we hold ourselves with the same love and acceptance that we so often and so easily give out to others we value.

But here’s the deal. Me waiting to love me until I’m completely loveable is like me waiting to work out until I’m already totally in shape! Isn’t that kind of a crack up? It just doesn’t work that way. Instead, we start where we are – no matter how unfamiliar it is. Me, practicing loving me today; you, practicing loving you today. It’s just a choice we can make. And eventually, if we keep doing it, it can become a new habit.

So, the gift I would give to you if I could, would be to ooze through you the habit of actively, intentionally, happily loving and valuing yourself exactly as you are at this present moment. Just like we do with the people that we already love – even the ones who annoy us! It’s not just the good parts of them that help us love them. It’s the whole way they are – with their good parts, but also the “other” parts…too fat, too thin, too old, too young, too soft, too hard, too broke, too wealthy, too busy, too overdone, too scared, too sad, too happy, too frustrated, too depressed, too anxious, too sick, too fake, too embarrassed, too vulnerable, too less than, too impatient, too hurried… and all the other ways they show up. Along with their good parts, it’s their weaknesses, weirdnesses, and vulnerabilities that make them more loveable to us. We can decide the same goes for ourselves!

In that light, here’s your provocation throughout this first beautiful month of 2022: Decide to practice loving you in spite of how not “good” or “worthy” or “lovable” or “okay” you feel. Decide today to be easy with you… and let yourself off the hook… and trust the goodness within you… and bask in your strengths and positive qualities… and look expectantly and patiently for the good parts that are still growing … and hold yourself kindly, gently and with Mama Bear strength every time you feel broken or sad or embarrassed or less than or are hurting in any way.

We could begin to heal the whole planet if we do that. Here’s one way to start. Set your phone clock for every hour (when you’re awake). Each time your alarm rings put your hands either on your heart or cup your hands on your face and ask: “If I chose to be loving to myself, what do I need right now?” And then sit quietly for a few minutes. Don’t worry about what you do or don’t “get.” I promise that even the willingness to ask the question will begin powerful, positive shifts for you. It may feel awkward at first… but it will also feel beautiful, healing, and empowering in your soul!

May you feel the love which is infinitely radiating to you and through you!

It’s funny. Or maybe not funny, really.

I’ve been “doing” people most of my life (educator, speaker, consultant, coach, etc.). Because of that, I am well aware that when we’re hurting – we show up in different ways. When we have been hurting, sometimes we look sad; or withdrawn; or disappointed; or scared. But sometimes when we’re hurting… we look mad. And we act mad. And we aren’t very nice.

Now obviously, someone who is feeling sad comes across very differently from someone who is feeling mad. But again… because of my years of life work, I am truly aware that no matter how it is being presented it stems from hurting in some way.

And the reason I said, “It’s funny” is because although I know that fact – it’s still WAY easier for me to be compassionate with someone who is “presenting” with sadness or fear or disappointment than with someone who is “presenting” with anger or aggression. It’s like the meanness, madness, or littleness they are expressing can evoke the same in me… in us.

And there’s something sadly backwards about all of that because… for many people when they are hurting anger, aggression, and hostility are way easier to feel than sadness or fear. Here’s why. Have you ever noticed how much more vulnerable you have to be to let yourself feel sad or scared? You have to be open and soft enough to feel it – that’s scary!

On the other hand, have you ever noticed how much less vulnerable you have to be if you stick with feeling angry? You can stay closed up and hardened. Not so scary. But because both sides stem from us hurting… the truth is we all need quiet compassion in those moments. And the compassion can lead to beautiful shifts.

As an example, Chris and I got in an argument the other day. He thought I was mad at him about something… which I wasn’t. But him thinking that I was evoked defensiveness in him – which looked a lot like madness and felt like meanness – which evoked madness in me (which I’m sure felt like meanness to him). It took a good thirty minutes of misunderstanding each other before things shifted.

I started practicing Compassionate Breathing which I recently learned from a beautiful Mindful Self-Compassion training (I highly recommend it – Dr. Kristen Neff & Dr. Chris Germer). Compassion to myself as I inhale… compassion to Chris on the exhale… and again to me on the inhale… him on the exhale. And I could feel myself softening. And could feel my demeanor change. And then I watched him soften. And his demeanor shifted. And all of a sudden it was us again. Softer, more open, more understanding… compassionate with each other the way we usually are.

On that note, here is your provocation for the week.

Whenever you come across what looks like frustration, anger, meanness, hostility, or aggression – in you or in someone else – understand that it stems from us/them hurting in some way. And decide – even if just as an experiment – to shift to compassion and see what happens within you. It’s a beautiful thing!

This week is about shifting your frequency to a higher vibration – because you can!
And when you do, you tune your inner radio to the station that matches the perspectives, insights, and knowing of your inner Being, Higher Self, still small voice of God, Goddess within, divine guidance, or whatever you like to call that higher Essence available to each of us.

Here’s one reason to care about that. Whatever heart’s desires you have been feeling – they have the ability to grow into reality. Really! As soon as a desire “hatches,” our Divine Essence is all over it and says, “Alright, let’s begin to move toward that! Here’s what to do (or not do) to get started.” The only issue is, often we can’t hear those inner messages because we don’t believe they’re available to us, or maybe we don’t believe we’re worthy of that much good, or perhaps we’re just not in the habit of listening for our powerful inner guidance system.

But regardless – that guidance is always there, always available, and always projecting information and ideas to us! In order to access that guidance, all we need to do is lift ourselves into higher vibrations of energy. One way to do that is to shift away from negative or draining emotions – which are lower energies/frequencies – and into positive or uplifting emotions – which are higher frequency.

Now, I don’t want you to think I’m saying that negative emotions are bad, or that we shouldn’t have them, because I’m not saying that at all! All emotions add to the richness and depth of our lives. It’s only a problem if we make a habit of staying in negative emotions. It’s a problem because not only do negative emotions deplete us, but they also make it harder to hear our inner guidance. 

So, what can you do if you’ve been feeling stressed or overdone? You can make the shift to a positive or uplifting emotion, which is a practical way to tune your inner radio to “hear” the powerful intuition of your Higher Self. That voice is always radiating ideas and guidance about living a grander version of yourself.

How do we do it? We take the effort – and sometimes it is effort – to shift ourselves out of stressful emotions like frustration, anxiety, self-criticism, guilt, or anything else that drains us, and reach for a positive or uplifting emotion. Did you know we don’t have to wait around for something good to happen before we feel positive emotions? Instead, we can take the time and focus to experience an uplifting feeling “on demand”! How cool is that?! And that’s how we can line up with our more intelligent, higher perspectives.
Feel the positive shift that happens as you read slowly through the below questions and let your answers emerge. When an answer comes up, just bask in it for a few moments before you move on to the next question.

• Think of a person or pet that you love or appreciate. What’s something that makes them special to you?

• Remember a positive or fun time in your life. Whether recently or long ago, what made it such a good experience?

• Do you remember a time when you laughed really hard? Try to re-experience some of what made it so funny.

• Think about a time when you felt proud of yourself or completed something important.

• Do you have a place that you love to be? Remember the specifics about it using memories of all your senses; try to do it enough to re-experience it.

• Are there songs that make you feel really good when you hear them? Listen to one of them.

• Bring to mind a challenging time you had and thank your younger self for the courage and strength s/he had to get you safely through.

• Remember a time when you were supportive or kind to someone who was in need. How did that feel to get to help?

• Was there someone who profoundly changed your life for the better? Bring them to mind; now radiate gratitude from your heart to theirs.

• Who or what matters to your heart? Feel your natural inclination to want them to experience happiness and health and well-being. Imagine sending them love and your wish for them to experience their highest good. 

Stay with it until you feel a positive or uplifting emotion. Some days it might take several minutes; other days you might feel an uplifting, happy, or peaceful feeling quite quickly. Either way it’s worth the effort and it shifts you toward your higher, spiritually tuned vibration!

Take good care of yourself this week – just because you deserve to!