Self-Care Tips When Rumination or Worry Creeps In

Self-Care Tips When Rumination or Worry Creeps In

by | Jan 13, 2021 | Avoiding Stress, Health & Wellbeing, Self-Improvement

 

You’re allowed to feel better – even when things are the way they are.

Do you notice how sometimes it’s easy to get a really good worry or rumination cycle going? I heard something about worry that resonated with me, so I want to share it with you.

Think of “worry” this way: it’s like the desire or intention to problem-solve (beneficial!) mixed with anxiety (NOT beneficial!). They cancel each other out, which is why ruminating is not effective for producing healthy action. Now, I think we already know that, but sometimes it’s hard to stop ruminating or worrying. This simple and beautiful practice might help, so it’s your provocation for the week.

If you catch yourself ruminating about something (dare I mention the scene at the Capitol last Wednesday?), then replace it with this self-care practice instead. When you first become aware that you are worrying (as always, awareness must be first), look at your phone or watch and actually set your time for 3-5 minutes (you pick). Then, for those minutes, let yourself immerse fully in worry, rumination, planning, fretting, digging around in it in whatever ways you most need or want to. At the end of your allotted time ask yourself these 3 questions, and answer honestly with no self-criticism attached:

1. Do I feel any better?

2. Did I learn anything new about the situation and/or about myself?

3. Am I closer to a solution or to a positive step that feels right for me to take?

If all three of those answers are “no” – and when we’re ruminating they usually are – then use it as a cue to do one of these replacement self-care activities for (at least) the same number of minutes that you let yourself worry/ruminate:

1. Move! Stand up from wherever you are and physically move yourself around: walk to the restroom; YouTube a song you like and dance around to it; do a full body stretch, big yawn, and some shoulder rolls; walk around your house or building one time; anything – just get your body moving for a few minutes. The metaphor is like when a dog gets out of the water: shake it all off!

2. Balanced Breathing: breathe in for 4-5 counts…breathe out for 4-5 counts; keep that rhythm going for your 3-5 minutes. It literally balances your nervous system – how cool it that?

3. Mindfulness Practice: take your 3-5 minutes to watch your breath moving in and out naturally, or scan your awareness through your body (Body Scan) and see what you find (what’s uncomfortable and in what way? what’s comfortable and in what way?)

4. Think of someone who means a lot to your heart (4-leggers count too!): now imagine radiating to them your desire that they feel safe, happy, well, and wonderfully loved!

You’re allowed to feel better – even when things are the way they are. May this practice help you move in that direction!

What I Need to Do

What I Need to Do

by | Jan 25, 2020 | Avoiding Stress, Health & Wellbeing, Self-Improvement

I just re-learned something really, really important. When I go through my days, as wonderful as they can often be, if I am putting off doing something that is meaningful and important to me, something that I know I need to do—I am a shell of what I could be. I know that sounds a little dramatic, but it’s true. I can tell when I am putting off something that I “need” to do because while I still look and sound nice enough and still get things done, there is more of an edge to me. People that know me can sense that I am shorter and more impatient with people I care about.

I had been putting off writing. Which is strange because I feel awesome when I am writing, even just little bits at a time. Do you ever do that? Do you ever have things that you know you will feel great about doing once you do them, but instead of doing them you let other daily stuff get in the way? I noticed that I had been waiting until I had the time to do it in order to do much writing. But the days kept going by, and I stayed wonderfully busy with other things—and the “time to do it” kept not happening.

Then I started writing again anyway, even without the magic “extra” time. I don’t even know why really. I just did. It’s unbelievable how much more alive and full I feel when I simply do what I know is to be done by me, what I “need” to do—not based on some outside authority, but based on that inner knowing, based on what feels right and clear and good. I feel more focused and “on purpose” inside—and more joyful. I have had other times when it was as simple as calling someone I care about, going through my pile of “stuff,” going dancing, getting my finances more organized or cleaning out a particular drawer. Whatever it is, we each have an inner guidance system that simply feels “off” if we are not doing something we know is to be done by us, something that would serve us well if we did it.

What is something that keeps pushing at you? What is something you know is important but you keep putting off? Your provocation this week is to answer those questions and then take just ten minutes to begin it. Even if you know it will take much longer than that to complete, something almost magical seems to happen when you just start. It is like a big procrastination layer comes off and you have more energy to move forward. Try it this week and see what happens—even if you only accomplish baby steps on it. If you do more, great. If you don’t, great. Ten minutes. That’s all it needs to be.

There is a quote by Thomas Edison that says, “If we did all the things we were capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.” I want to astound myself! I want us all to.

 

Decide today that you are worth taking good care of. Then get started with something you “need” to do based upon a sincere intention to hear and play in your highest possibilities.

Coherence

Coherence

by | Jun 4, 2019 | Avoiding Stress, Health & Wellbeing, Positive Thinking

I want to talk about Coherence and how it’s actually possible to “spread” that wonderful high quality state. Coherence is a scientific term that refers to when the heart, mind, emotions and body are all working in sync. It’s an actual physiological state when the major systems of the body are working together and we experience an inner state of ease, calm and composure; mental and emotional flexibility and balance; the ability to self-regulate and “take charge” of ourselves, maintaining composure (even in the midst of stressful circumstances); and we have a smooth and rhythmic heart pattern that looks like a sine wave or rolling hill. Oh yeah, and it feels really good too.

 

Order, balance, poise, inner calm and composure… Anyone besides me wanting to experience a little more of that right now?

 

There is a simple HeartMath technique that we can use to get there (and I’ll share it at the end) – but the really cool thing is some new research that shows how we can actually spread Coherence to others. Participants in a study were organized into 10 groups, with four people in each group. Each group of four was seated around a table, each wearing a heart rhythm monitor to measure heart rate and Coherence levels. Two weeks earlier, three of the four participants in each group had been taught how to shift into a Coherent state. The three people who had been taught how to get Coherent were instructed to shift in and out of Coherence at specific times. The fourth person had no knowledge of what the other three were doing.

 

Get this! When the three participants shifted into Coherence – the fourth person also became more Coherent even though they didn’t know what was going on! So when we get ourselves into a more balanced and composed state (or peaceful, or loving, or calm, or appreciative, etc.), we literally can help shift other people into that state as well! How awesome! Have you ever been around someone and notice you feel a bit better just from having been in there presence? Let’s all learn to be one of those people – because we can!

 

Here we go. It’s this easy to get Coherent.

 

Here is HeartMath’s Quick Coherence Technique:

 

1. Focus your attention in the area of the heart. Imagine your breath is flowing in and out of your heart or chest area, breathing a little slower and deeper than usual.

 

2. Make a sincere attempt to experience a regenerative feeling such as appreciation or care for someone or something in your life. (Try to re-experience the feeling you have for someone you love, a pet, a fun or positive time in your life, a special place, an accomplishment; or focus on a feeling of calm or ease.)

 

So your provocation this week is to get Coherent and then intend to “spread” it by purposefully being Coherent around others. I bet we’ll all find conversations this week that could use some inner composure, ease and calm.

The Grandest Version of Ourselves

The Grandest Version of Ourselves

by | May 21, 2019 | Avoiding Stress, Health & Wellbeing, Positive Thinking

What if I were so filled up with my own passion, purpose and genuine power that I didn’t have time or interest in criticizing you or anyone else? What if the love and appreciation that I had flowing through me right now were so big and so constant that I could view everything and everyone with eyes of compassion, possibility and wonder? What if I were so busy finding ways I could uplift that I forgot to rail against groups and organizations behaving badly?

 

What if I decided to walk my own path so clearly and boldly that I knew everyone else could do it too? What if I practiced trusting that still small voice within so much that I felt the divine presence of well-being even while things seemed so fast and chaotic? And what if you did it too?

 

I think we can do it. I think it’s actually possible. But somehow we learned to wait. Wait until we are more ready; wait until others tell us we are good enough; wait until people are nicer and the world is more ethical; wait until we graduate, get a different job, get married, get the house, retire, elect the right government officials. Mostly I think we are waiting around for everyone else to do it too. Or just someone. Anyone. To do what? To focus on being the grandest version of themselves that is possible in this very moment.

 

What do you think it would look like if a few of us started doing that right now? If we started being the grandest version of ourselves that we know to be? Right now with the imperfect, messy work situations, relationships, finances and bodies that we have in this moment? Right now in the stressed out, relief seeking culture we live in? Right now when we don’t have time to do anything more? I want us to choose to do just that, to live the grandest version of ourselves that we can. Because I think amazing things will happen when we do. And we will laugh and love more. And we will start a ripple effect of good that can help heal the planet. And we will surprise ourselves with our own inner goodness and beauty.

 

If it feels too big and vague to say, “I’m going to start being the grandest version of myself that I can be,” then here is a wonderful way to put it into motion. This is your provocation for the week. Choose a quality or essence that resonates with the grandest version of you that you can imagine. It might be love, strength, laughter, gentleness, discipline, patience, compassion, appreciation, persistence, joyfulness, honor, etc. There are so many so just choose one that seems to be calling to you right now. Intend to embody that quality so fully that you experience it all week—within your thoughts, your feelings, your heart and your actions. Each time you find yourself feeling tired, squished up, frustrated, drained or “out of sorts” imagine this quality flooding through your entire being. Feel the essence of your grandest version as it begins to flow through your daily experiences.

 

The reason I know it’s possible to begin living as our grandest selves is that I have experienced people practicing it. I have watched some of them, read their work, run into them at the store, listened to their music and been inspired by their words or actions. I have been assisted by them and blessed by them in countless beautiful ways. And I believe with all of my heart that their ranks are growing. So this week be on the lookout for those who are practicing their grandest version; feel for them; hope to see them; expect to find them. And more importantly, let’s choose in this moment to join them, to be them. Ah, the power of returning to our grandest version!

How Food Feels

How Food Feels

by | May 7, 2019 | Health & Wellbeing, Self-Care, Self-Improvement

There are so many foods we are supposed to stay away from, or at least limit, according to experts in the industry. Depending on which dietitian, nutritionist, physician, book, or PBS special you are currently in alignment with, here are some of the possible things to steer clear from: fats, red meat, all meat, carbs, anything not organic, anything not locally grown, all processed foods, MSG, hydrogenated oils, dairy, salty snacks, sugary snacks, alcohol, corn syrup, any grain that is not a whole grain, white anything (flour, rice, bread, sugar, pasta), preservatives and on and on. But I have an idea.

While there is a good possibility that many of the different eating guidelines have merit, before you pick which foods to embrace and which to throw away, do something really awesome. Instead of basing your decision on logical arguments from all the external authorities, decide first how foods feel—to you. Here’s your provocation. This week intend to be fully present and mindful of you and your food before, during, and after you eat. How does your food look? Does your whole body want it or simply your taste buds? How does it smell? Is your body asking for something different instead? Can you really taste the food or are you rushing through it? Then, and this is the important part—10 to 20 minutes after you have eaten, simply notice how you feel physically, mentally, and emotionally. Are you sluggish or energized? Do you have any aches? Are you mentally clear or foggy? Do you feel “deadened” and numb or frisky and alive? Don’t make it a judgmental, criticism thing, just notice how you are doing. You may uncover something that can be really helpful.

 

Here is what I’ve found. Generally food serves me well, unless I use it for stress-reduction or relief, then not so much. Sometimes I eat sugary food because I consciously choose to have a bit of the yummy taste. Other times I crave it and it feels not so much a conscious choice, but rather like I “need” it. Most often those times are: when I feel sleepy or drained around 3-4pm with an afternoon lull; when I feel nervous, anxious, mad, or even excited about something; when I am tired from not getting enough quality sleep; when I am low on water but don’t realize I am thirsty. When I eat something sweet at those times, it tastes good on my tongue as I eat it. It also feels like it brings me some sort of relief. Then shortly afterward I usually feel more tired, drained, sluggish, and sometimes even mean. No fun really, but it is actually cool to know—because that awareness creates my point of power to be able to choose differently if and when I want to.

 

Our bodies rock! Your body rocks! Notice it this week. You have the opportunity to take lavish, loving care of it. Not because you “should.” Not because you need to “guilt yourself” into it. But quite simply, because you deserve to feel good. Whether or not anyone ever told you that, it’s true. You deserve to feel good. And noticing how foods feel from inside you is an amazing and powerful way to put that knowing into practice.